got to know this girl's blog through my sister.
http://berngrace.blogspot.com/
i was very touched and i feel that things that
she's gone through are exactly the things that
i'm going through right now.
it took her four years to really move on.
will i do the same thing too?
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if i really move on , will i stop talking about weihao?
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we became not fearing of death cause we know
we could see our loved ones if we die.
she still wears the ring that her boyf gave
like how i'm wearing it too
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she hated it when people asked how is she
doing and how're you just like how i do.
she'd teared when she smell familair scent of perfume ,
see similar faces , heard similar names , or been to
familiar places.
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is that all the things we do when we lost our loved ones?
is it all like that?
i like one of her saying.
we all hate the word moving on.
so instead of moving on , why not we say moving with?
do not think that i'm leaving him with my past.
but think that i'm drawing nearer and nearer to him
as i grow old.
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yes , one of her post was also about growing old.
i've had this thought too. what happens if one day
i grow old without him?
i only have memories of him being that 22 years old
handsome guy. but i don't ever know how
he looked like when he's old.
thinking of that , i really hate to grow old.
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will things ever be the same when we die?
if i ever happen to die , will i meet him still?
will he wait for me or has already reincarnate?
or will he be holding other people's hand by the
time i die?
what if i've found another true love later on?
what will i do if i die and sees the both of them?
so much thoughts pondering.
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i really miss those days in the street with you,
miss those days staying at home with you.
miss those days taking the long trip by train to your
house after my long day of school,
miss those days when we sleep the whole night
and realise we just spent our weekend sleeping.
miss those holiday trip you'd be so eager to bring
me.
there's many many more things that i miss.
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it's only the 78th days i'm without you and here i'm ranting so much about it. people has gone through 700+++ days. she's so much stronger than me. i really really miss you soh weihao. tell me a way where i can not cry. teach me a way where i can not miss.

葉子　是不會飛翔的翅膀
翅膀　是落在天上的葉子
天堂　原來應該不是妄想
只是我早已經遺忘　
當初怎麼開始飛翔
孤單　是一個人的狂歡　
狂歡　是一群人的孤單　
愛情　原來的開始是陪伴　
但我也漸漸地遺忘　
當時是怎樣有人陪伴
我一個人吃飯　旅行　到處走走停停　
也一個人看書　寫信　自己對話談心　
只是心又飄到了哪裡　
就連自己看也看不清　
我想我不僅僅是失去你
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this song super describe how i'm feeling.
sigh ~
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anyway , here to update abit about myself.
going for a minor operation tomorrow.
cause my third toe which is now my second toe
cause my first toe has been amputated,
the bone can be seen so need to do a little filling.
haha. -.-
abit confusing , but get it right yourself? :x
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it will be a day surgery and can go home in the
evening if nothing's wrong about it.
hope to feel boyf love's presence tomorrow anyway.
alright , till here. adieous ~

sorry people for going missing for this period of time.
went to reflect on myself a little and to cool myself
down a little. can't be always facing the computer with
a pool of tears running down my cheek.
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i thought i could only saw car overturning or flipping
over for a few times. didn't really cross my mind that
it would happen to us. whenever i saw car overturning
in movie or show , i would think back , is that the same
thing happening to us? and then i realised , i killed my boyf.
i actually killed someone i love so much. if only i didn't drive.
if only i never pass my license. if only we didn't make a trip
there. there's so much if only but now , it can only be if only.
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i really hate myself so much. why didn't i make a stand
of not making a trip there. i'd rather quarrell with you
than this kind of thing to happen.
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i always told myself. i'd rather you're inside the jail now
while i'm out here waiting for you. at least i could write
letter to you and you could reply. at least i can still visit you
and talked to you with your family. or rather you leave me
because of other girls. at least i could still call you and scold you
and hear your voice. at least i could msg you and scold you waiting
for your reply.
if either of these happen , i could at least srill hope for your return ,
your hug , your warmth , your everything.
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i keep having weird dreams of you having another girl.
although i really hope is like that but the truth is not
so please stop giving me these weird dream to make me
feel worst can? i really hope to have sweet dreams with you
again. sad to be true , i can't be with you but can i at least
have some sweet dreams with you?
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people said it's good to reminisce the past , it's good to keep
someone special at a little place in your heart. but, why don't
i feel good at all?
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letting go and moving on seems to be the hardest thing for
me to do now. i don't know how long more i need still but
it seems like i'm the one not willing to let go.
i don't want to forget you. i'm not willing to let someone else
to replace you. i want to always wait for your msg , wait for
your call not somebody else. i want you to be waiting at home
for my return , not somebody else.
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i miss those days when we were out at bishan. although i always
complain it's always bishan bishan and still bishan , but everything's
fine with me as long as i'm with you. you understand?
i miss those days when you fetch me to school , wait for me to finish
school , fetch me to work , wait for me finish work , fetch me to
attachment and wait for me to finish attachment. i still want you to
fetch and wait for me. why didn't you do so?
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i don't know how long i'll rant complaining how sad i am
without you by my side. :( i'm afraid that one day i will no
longer mention your name on my blog and it'll be somebody
else. i'm afraid this day will come.
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25th august supposed to be our one year , 8 months anniversary.
it's been two months without you by my side. i really feel very empty.
i know it's only two months and as time goes by , i will feel better.
is that so? :(
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i really hope i could have you by my side going through
everything with me now. especially when my leg is injured
now. i want you concern. i want you to scream and shout at
me whenever i complain pain. i want you to be there to look
after me.
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tell me , what can i do to make you come back? i will do anything
for you to come back even if it meant this meaningless life of mine.
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i just hope to faster get back and stand on my feet again.
i wanna go and pay a visit to you soon.
loving you always soh weihao. :(