just curious and wondering...

have never tried being somebody's 小女人。be it the guy has a wife or has a gf. so i'm just curious....


i know a lot of people may say, eeeeew, why go and be a bitch to break up people's relationship or home ? why are u such a bitch? there're so manu better guys out there. why find someone who has a gf or a wife. that'd be what i would say in the past....

yet who wanna be a bitch? or called a bitch by others? yesss, maybe some really do? who really always always find someone who is attached. then again, i've got friends who is not a bitch in this case. it just happens at the wrong time , with the wrong person maybe. nobody really wants to be a bitch or be called a bitch. who can understands? u all never really tried to understand. sigh ~


but then again, yessss.... they may seems like a bitch or whatever whatever , there're a lot of better guys out there whatever whatever. maybe we could try putting ourselves in their shoe? hmmm, let's say, yes , they know there're better guys out there. but maybe the time wasn't right still so she might have not met yet? and the rest of the guy she met just doesn't has that chemistry that she has with that guy who has a gf or a wife?



and maybe at that point of time, when they're still friends, the guy with a gf or wife was there, by her side at that point of time and makes her even wants him more?



i don't know? cause i've never tried before. just thinking if i ever had this kind of incident , what would i do?



for example, a guy has a gf or a wife and we're friends in the first place. and just nice, i have some small problem and he's here for me. just listening to me , taking care of me. though i know he has a gf or even a wife, but he makes time for me.



i don't know what i would do too. feelings are hard to control too, right? and i just feels that if a guy has a gf or wife, he still shouldn't be so nice to a girl to lead her on right? why make all so xin ku leh? sigh ~


男人贱，女人犯贱。humans? maybe. or maybe why can't we just be like those days when there were still kings and guys can married a number of wife and be concubine. lol. i mean i don't think i would mind being the smaller one. but he should at least make some effort to meet me and give me care and concern when i need lah.


maybe, i don't mind sharing? i don't know too. cause maybe if that's my boyfriend or husband i wouldn't want to share it with somebody else of course too right? lol.


but what if... what if the girl only wants someone to show some care and concern and only be there when she needs him and no sex included? maybe , that's a different story? i not sure. just suddenly having these thoughts.



well, maybe we should just take it as the guy is just a super nice guy and that he treats every other girls the same with no any other intention and u're not so special afterall. maybe , that would save a lot of trouble.


what i can say , do not advanced into something further if u think u do not want to spoil that friendship. well... maybe afterall, feelings are hard to control.



sigh ~ why must we live with such complexity? why can't we just live and love simple? if only.... it's that easy.



sometimes i wonder too, why can't we just be alone? since we came to this world alone and leave alone. why mist we leave feelings behind when we're going alone.



i wish i was dead tgt with him. maybe , i'm still happily with him now? maybe... we never know? maybe there's afterlife and we won't be? cause may be we will meet others below or above? or where ever u think afterlife may be. lol.


just thinking... well, sometimes i just wish we could live with lesser feelings. maybe with no strings attached? lol.
or maybe, i'm just feeling a little lonely. haha. well, whatever it is , or may be. i guess i better not ponder to mich and just hit the sack !! ^^



i'm starting my day job soon!! 5th of march. will be working day and night. busier than ever !! hopefully by the time i won't have the time to think so much. i think sleep also not enough time liao. lol !! okay, can't wait!! it's just this coming monday !! weeee ~ :D


all right, some pictures for u guys to enjoy before i go. goodnight. ^^

Short Post, Update...

went to bras basah or besar to get things done today. nothing much. didn't slept the whole night of ytd until now. damn happening. this's how my life goes...


slept and woke up around 9 plus 10 in the night. then prepare and head down to jab one and had a few drinks.


went to meet friends , they came over jab to fetch us then to bin's house take helmet. then we went petrol kiosk then macritchie reservoir slack and chill.

then some don't wanna head home yet like us so early in the morning went to drink with the indians to drink. ahhhh ~ u know lah , indians ~ TANNI!! wahahahahaha.



did not drank much. then head home about 8 plus in the morning then bin came over , slack and chill until afternoon then till evening then decided to head to bras basah/besar. lol.




we did not want to sleep as we felt it was a waste of time. like sleep already then night time 不三不四 timing wake up again. so we decided to "tong" until now. power to the people ~~~ lol.



was thinking if i can wake up earlier later then going to bukit timah tua peh kong and have a date with my beloved boyf. it's been awhile.... but don't wanna make empty promises. bought the ba long long already, just thinking going on later or tues. ^^




well, anyway, just a thought of myself before i say goodnight.....
女孩子通常有了新欢，或是有好感，或是爱的人，日日夜夜，开口闭口就是只有＂他＂。不管那女的是在跟谁，在做什么，时时刻刻嘴里出来的都是＂他＂。可是一旦那女的绝望了，累了，放弃了。她已不想要再次地提起＂他＂。就连听，也不想听到＂他＂的名字。所以说啊，女人是不是真可怕？在我眼里，爱情，才是真正叫人，令人可怕的东西。。。我怎样都学不会，搞不好，永远也学不会。


tired, goodnight. enjoy my pictures. wahahahaha. :D

Getting Inked... A Small One.

Aloha people ! I'm gonna go get myself inked tonight.

For people who knows me, I always get inked when I gets

fucked up in life, hurt in whatever. LOL. Stupid I know, maybe 

by the time I'm 30+ years old kind of full already. haha.

Whatever, not funny I know. lol.

Anyway, is just a small one. On my wrist ba. Can be covered 

by my watch I guess.

Something like that....

KgkxSwh

Maybe not so big lah. Haha. Maybe will edit a bit also cause reach there then say lah. Kk, I haven't sleep, damn srrrreeeeeeepy now. HAHAHAHAHA.

Gonna go catch some rest or to bathe and slack and prepare . haha. 

Byeeee people ! See you ! :D

to someone...

if i ever appear again infront of u, be in ur life again, would u hold me tight and asked me to never ever leave u again? or have th thought of leaving u again?


i want that assurance. i want to know that i am someone important. i want to know that i did make ur life beautiful and colourful and maybe wonderful.



i don't want to keep having thoughts about whether u'll be falling for another girl. whether when i'm here missing u, would u be missing other people. whether am i someone to u cause u always don't bother about what i ever told u. about my work related stuffs , about where i am, what i'm doing.


i just want u to be more concern about me. about what's going on. i know u might be busy and tired at work. i am trying to be considerate too.


i always wanna let u sleep a bit more when the alarm rings in the morning. and yet i'm afraid u might wake up late and it's kinda like my fault for not waking u up. i wanna wake u up and not let u get back to sleep but it just seems to me like i'm disturbing ur rest.



i do not know what to do anymore that at times , i so much wanted to see u, just to sleep beside u and hugging u to sleep. i don't mind taking cab in the middle of the night over just to see u and then slowly take a train back in the morning BUT yet again, i do not want to disturb ur sleep.


i miss us , i miss those days when we can stay the whole day at home just to watch show. or to meet friends tgt then home. or u going to work and i waited. and u came back immediately after ur work. that's the period of time where i felt my importance. where we were happy.



i know things turned out this way were mostly my fault. i don't blame anyone else but me. right now, there's too many broken pieces between us amd i just don't know what to do and how.

many a times i just feel like not caring about those things and just carry on with the way we are but yet i know , things ain't the same anymore. if it can't be solved now, it seriously cannot go any further.

i'm lost right now, very lost. what happened to us. so does this even mean we are not meant to be? but why does my heart tells me that we are?


can we, just talk things out someday? i really feels like talking to you some day about us, about everything. but u always seemed so tired to me. i didn't want to add on stress to u about us cause i know u're stress with work already.



thinks that u do that made me more angry was that, i gave up myself meeting u cause i thought ubwere tired. i didn't wanna be unreasonable and made u tired about always having to meet me and spare a thought for me. that's why no matter how much i wanna see u, i always tell myself, it's okay. if u really wanna see me , u will say and we will meet and many times , i really just want u to go home and rest after ur work. BUT....



in the end... u told me u went to drink, u told me u were out with ur friends. i was like.... dumbfound. u didn't even asked if i wanna meet. maybe.... maybe u thought if i wanna meet i'd say and yet i'm here waiting for u to say it too. i don't know.




i don't know if we could ever be the same or better or worst, i don't know? just wanna say, u're someone i did care. and i don't know what will happen to us and what has happened to us. just wanna say.... till i meet someone new who can make everything different, it's still you... and him.



will we be ever to build up all the broken pieces together again? although there's definitely still be cracks but at least we know we tried? hmmm....