if only i can live like a dog.
if only i don't see you for two weeks
i will forget who you are.
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.
will i be living in lesser pain if that's
the case? i don't want to wake up
crying everyday, it makes a chore to wake up everyday.
.
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where will we go to when we are dead?
will we be always sleeping? or will we turn to spirit
like what others said?
.
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you always told me you saw ghost you saw ghost
but why can't i see you?
.
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.
i really feel like seeing you.
it's not getting any better each day.
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they say to put you in my heart and live
like how i used to everyday. you must be missing
how i used to be in the past , is it true?
.
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i dread going to hospital for check ups.
i dread waking up realising you're not here for me anymore.
i dread styaing at home everyday only to miss you and cry
and cry and cry.
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are you at a better place now?
can i not miss you?
can i not cry anymore?
can i... not wake up anymore?
.
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.
how nice would that be if only i can just sleep
and not wake up anymore.
how nice would that be if i could wake up
with you by my side someday.
how nice would that be if i passed away together
with you on the accident and we can forever be together.
.
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.
is there a way to make people die more easily?
rather than jumping off a building , i don't have the courage ,
rather than swallowing and overdosing , i don't like swallowing pills.
rather than hitting by a car , not all cars will hit and you'll die immediately.
rather than hoping to get a incurable disease ,
i might only got it years later and by the time ,
you might have already moved on.
.
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are you moving on? can you?
i really hope to know how you're doing.
how're you doing?
i don't want to talk to a dead computer.
i don't want to write to a stupid book when
you don't even see it.
.
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i've read and seen the news.
many people died when they don't want to.
trees falling , car accidents.
including you , you don't want to die too right?
you still got so many things to do , with me.
.
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.
.
.
.
now , why doesn't heaven take away those who wants
to die? those who miss their loved ones like how i do ,
those who are drug addicts , those who are totally useless ,
those who don't feel like living.
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can the end of the world come sooner?
i wanna see you.
can i just smoke smoke smoke and smoke and kena
cancer? or can lightning just struck me when i'm
sleeping at home?
.
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.
.
i don't know what to say anymore.
it's the same thing over and over again.
missing you , missing you and still missing you.
crying , crying and still crying. :(
.
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.
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.
i know you hate to see me cry.
but is there a choice for me?
i don't like to cry too.
if there's a choice for me , i'd rather
you're at work now and i'm missing you.
.
.
.
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.
.
at least i still can see you few days time.
at least i still can receive your text and
hear your voice now. i really feel so empty
now. really empty. they said it's normal to
feel empty at times but why am i feeling it
like always?

taking a look at our wedding photos ,
i know you're the one. you're my right one.
.
.
.
.
i just wanted more time to finish my studies
and get everything done to get married to you.
i only wanted four years more. 4 years , is that
too much? :(
.
.
.
.
.
you said yes upon waiting for me but did you?
why didn't you wait?
yes , you told me before you wanna get married
before 21 , you should have told me if i'm wasting your
time. you can go and look for someone else.
.
.
.
.
.
maybe if you look for someone else , you would happily be
married now and nothing like that would happen? :(
i feel terrible without you.
i envy others so much that they can get married and stay
together like forever. :(
.
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.
.
.
now , you're gone just like that.
like..... like that. :(
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i really can take it if people grows old and die.
but how about you?
why must it be you?
why must it be me?
you're still so young and we've so many things
yet to do. how could you.........
.
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.
people says i will overcome it.
it just takes time. yes , of course it does take
time. but how long?
a year? a month? two years? 5 years?
i don't know.
.
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.
.
dear , i'd rather you go and find another girl
instead of this thing happen.
at least i can still be angry with you , i still
can sms and scold you , i still can see you at bishan.
i still can hope for one day for your return.
.
.
.
.
.
but now , i can do nothing.
tell me , what can i do for you to be back?
if i'm dead can make you return , i'll definitely
do that. it's useless living without you.
i love you darling.
i'm missing you more and more each day.

dear !!!! you're so unfair !!!!!
even kelly has got more sweeter dream of
us than all the dream you gave me !
pfft ! *pouts*
.
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kelly dreamt that me and her went to club
then you followed us and peep at us.
then there was this door behind and don't know
why we turned and we say your head peeping out.
.
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.
.
we attempt to run but you shouted and ask her to
go over. you said you wouldn't restrict me anymore
and wants her to take care of me. silly you , why can't
i take care of myself? want also you take care of me what.
.
.
.
.
.
.
after saying that , you came over to my side and talk to me
and we hugged. she doesn't know what you told me but
it must be something sweet cause i hugged you if not
we quarrell , i will definitely not hug you de loh. :p
.
.
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.
.
after that , she got waken up from her morning calls.
even kelly also dream of something sweet , why is it
only me who never has it? :( you're so unfair ! :(
i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you !!!!!
.
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.
.
sigh ~ but still , thanks for making the effort to go to my
friend's dream and asking them to take care of me.
i will take care of myself until something untoward happens
to me. so , i'll see you till then k? love you darling.

ytd was our 1 year and 5 months anniversary.
haven't got a chance to wish him happy anni.
so here darling , happy 1 year 5 mth anni. :)
.
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i miss going out to watch movie with you ,
i miss cooking with you , i miss going to bishan
with you , i miss flying kite with you , i miss
i miss taking cab together with you ,
i miss going out and eat together with you ,
i miss shopping at shop and save together with you ,
i miss staying at home and eat ben &
jerry ice cream together with you ,
i miss staying at home and watch dvd with you ,
i miss staying at home eating bao bei together with you ,
i miss the way you always speak nonsense and everybody laughed ,
i miss the way you hold my hand ,
i miss the way you hugged me when we were going to sleep ,
i miss taking photos with you ,
i miss they way your soft lips touches mine ,
i miss the way you used to embrace me ,
i miss everything everything that i do with you
as long as it's you.
.
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.
.
will you come back and do everything again with me for once
before you really leave?
i really miss you.
.
.
.
.
.
i miss you sending flowers to me.
will you do it again but this time to propose to me?
i will definitely say yes.
.
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.
.
.
i really miss you but i hate you also.
why leave me alone here. why?
there's so many things i wanna ask you
but i know there's no answer i'm going to get.
are you really here with me always?
dear , i really cannot take it anymore.
.
.
.
.
.
every night i try to fall asleep just hoping to have
your dream but it was to no avail. do you know
how sad i was?
i miss your face , your voice , your everything.
.
.
.
.
.
what should i do if i ever forget anything of yours?
how long will all this last?
will i ever move on?
dear , i love you.

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cos u took my breath away
Losin you is like living in a world with no air
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make u understand
But how do you expect me
To live alone with just me
'Cos my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be w/o me
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

他的镜框留在
某一节车厢
地下铁里的风
比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊
对他唯一(如果还有)遗憾
是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪
都停不下来
若那一刻重来
我不哭
让他知道我可以很好
我爱他
轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦
狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他
相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来
我爱他
跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心
深深伤过却不会忘
我和他
不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂
最重的荒唐
如果还有遗憾
又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了
就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪
我爱他
轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦
狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开
爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖 越多的空白
该怎么去爱
我爱他
轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦
狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他
相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来
我爱他
跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心
深深伤过却不会忘
我和他
不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐
如果还有遗憾
又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来
我不哭 让他知道我可以很好

i went to see boyf love last thurs.
it was good but sad at the same time.
i didn't really talked to him but i did
deep down in my heart.
.
.
.
.
i did tear for a few times but did not
really cried. didn't want to embarrass myself
infront of th , yongan and yifeng.
.
.
.
.
.
saw boyf love's family there in the later part.
heard his mummy's teary voice , i nearly cried
but i was fighting back my tears.
later we went to have dinner with his family ,
i thought alot too.
.
.
.
.
.
how nice would that be if boyf love were here too
to have dinner together with us. i really miss him.
.
.
.
.
.
anyway , thanks th for bringing me there to see him.
i feel so much better after seeing him.
i know his mummy's words may sound hurtful
but i never blame her for that for i can totally
understand how she feels. she don't feel any better
than me. it's his mummy afterall.
.
.
.
.
.
.
someone who carrys him for 9 months and support
him for 22years. nevertheless , my love for him
cannot be compared with his mother. i didn't really
spoke to his mummy as i'm not someone good with
words. i'm afraid we might end up all crying.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i'm very timid. i dare not spoke up for the fact that
i wanna stay over every 25th night. i know she will reject.
.
.
.
.
.
i know everybody do miss him. but i really miss him
alot. i hate the face that i won't be receiving anymore
texts from him , hate the fact that i couldn't hear his voice
anymore. hate the fact that he won't be hugging me to
sleep anymore no matter how long i wait. hate the fact
that he won't be back anymore. hate the fact that he
won't be scolding me anymore.
.
.
.
.
.
it's time to wake up now and not lying to myself that
he's out there at work. but sometimes it's just harder
to accept the fact.
.
.
.
.
.
i can't wait. i really can't wait for some bad news
that would happen to me. i really don't know how
to cope anymore. i'm like going crazy anytime.
i cannot just end my life like that but i really miss
him. why does heaven have to take him away from me?!
why? :(
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i'm sorry i teared once again dear. but you surely
do know how we're feeling right? we really miss
you. i know you don't want us to worry for you just
like i wouldn't want my family and friends to worry
for me but what to do?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i really hate the fact that you're gone by my side
forever just like that.

i had a dream of you last night.
the dream was about you lying to me that
you were dead but you were not because
at the malaysia hospital you met a better
nurse.
.
.
.
.
i saw you one day and you called me dear.
i was with sally. i don't know where.
then you asked me whether i wanna work.
it's easy job and i agreed.
so i went with you , th and another guy , i forgot who.
but then suddenly in the dream th disappeared.
.
.
.
.
inside the car , your phone rang. so i was very curious
and i asked who was that. i snatched your phone and see.
i'm very glad your still saved my msgs and you still saved
my name as dear.
but i was unhappy when i saw your inbox and i saw you saved
this girl name under "happy".
so i asked who is this "happy"?
.
.
.
.
.
and you said it was the nurse whom you met at malaysia.
my heart sank. i kept quiet and i pass you back your phone.
i knew exactly what's happening. i knew why you lied to me
that you were dead. it was just plain unlucky that you met me outside.
.
.
.
.
.
so we went to work. and the work is like so funny.
we just have to go there and peel vegetables. -.-
i don't know why? maybe i missed cooking with you?
haha. anyway , i was still pissed off about the msg thing,
so i just gave you attitude the whole while and didn't
really talked to you.
.
.
.
.
.
the next scene , we were at a school. we were all wearing
uniform. can't really remember which school was that.
but it was a white blouse with dark blue pants and skirt.
then you keep bullying this nerd guy which i cannot really
remember his face,
.
.
.
.
as you know , i was still quite piss off over the incident and so
i told you to stop bullying him and i'm protecting over this guy.
you were angry and you slapped him twice. so i slap you once.
and you answered me, "not bad , at least i slapped him twice."
i was so angry and i slapped you again.
.
.
.
.
.
you were then piss off and you slap me back.
i was hurt....
so i pushed you and screamed at you,
"what makes you think you got the right to slap me?
you lied to me that you were dead.
D-E-A-D! what would ever happen to my family and friends if
i didn't think straight and commit suicide?!
have you ever think of that?!"
.
.
.
.
.
i drop to the floor and cried but you were never there to
help me up. i don't know is you guilty or what.
and then i was awake.
.
.
.
.
.
it was a long dream.
i thank you for coming once again to my dream for letting me
see your face and hear your voice.
but i really hate it that it has gotta be this kind of dream.
i'm already super upset about the accident.
why can't it be something sweeter? :(
.
.
.
.
.
i woke up crying , calling out for you. i don't know but i somehow
felt you were there. you were there but you can't do anything.
i keep crying and crying.
.
.
.
.
.
i'm very upset. why does heaven have to take u away from me?
somemore , lost all laptops and phone. i cannot even reminisce
from our laptops photos and the sweet msgs you used to send to me.
.
.
.
.
.
.
at least leave something for me? i can only look at our wedding photo
and the photos that we went to singapore flyer.
though it wasn't very nice but i don't know why you still got it for us.
you still buy two of it. one for you and one for me.
is it because you know you're leaving that's why you wanna leave
something for me? but why didn't you tell me so?
.
.
.
.
.
dear , i really miss you. i really don't know how to cope with it. :(
tomorrow tianhao is going to bring me to go bukit timah to see you.
it's his off day and he will go down and see you everytime during
his off day and just nice i also discharge already. that's very nice
of him cause it's very troublesome to bring someone sitting on a
wheelchair out.
.
.
.
.
.
anyway , are you excited about it?
i'm so excited about it!
but you please be prepared okay ,
like what i said in your fb ,
i'm gonna give you a bulldog face and
gonna scold you for always bringing heartache to me.
you playing revenge is it? :(
.
.
.
.
cause when you alive , i always bring heartache to you. :(
.
.
.
.
.
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dear , i still thank you. thank you for bringing joy in my life.
i'll never forget you. ever. :)
.
.
.
.
i will never change couple ina audition.
it will be......
forever adore & abel <3 25th feb 2009.
though we never got a chance to get married in audi
and in real life , but i'm still happy we got a chance to be
couple. :)
always loving you soh weihow. :)

hello everybody. i'm back at home. don't worry too
much. i won't do anything foolish. this is gonna be a
long post without pictures. it will be all about boyf love.
.
.
.
.
the accident happened for about a month. i'm home
only until now. i just saw our wedding photos and i
really missed him much. had a chat with rachel just
now. cried. now then i know how much he loved me.
though i already know but i never expect him to cry
infront of rachel when he talked about our things.
.
.
.
i really hope he could come and find and search for me
like how he always do when we quarrelled. i really miss him.
i really don't know what to do without him. sometimes i hope
i'm the one who passed away instead of him. he will definitely
be much stronger than me.
.
.
.
.
i'm sitting on a wheelchair now. i hope tianhao and the rest would
help me on the 30th to bishan. i'm so sorry to trouble them but i really
hope to go down. i know they would definitely help. but i'm afraid i
couldn't control my emotion when i reach bishan. dear , will you be there?
.
.
.
.
everybody said you're on the other world. but what does the other
world really look like? are you safe and sound down there? do you
miss me like how i miss you? you better wear my ring even if you
were to find another girl on the other world if not i would be so
angry with you. cannot buy another ring with her k. same with me
too. but don't worry , it won't be too soon for me.
.
.
.
.
boyf love , i'm sorry i wasn't able to express my love to you when you're
alive. but what's the point of saying it now. will you be able to read this?
can you go online on the nether world? will you read my blog? though i
know you don't really like to go online. you always find it boring. but i hope
you could come and read my blog somehow. or maybe the diary at my home?
it's at the table where you always sit when you come. will you flip open and read?
.
.
.
.
dear , i changed my facebook password. it's something to do about you.
i hope you would know. it isn't the old one which you used to know already.
i think you should know what the password is. you're so clever. come and
ask me if you don't know. :p
.
.
.
.
i won't be changing my blog address just in case you can't find me cause
you're such a computer noob. haha. though i am one also but i'm a little
better than you. :x
i won't be cutting my hair anymore too cause you prefer me to have long hair
and always angry with me when i cut my hair.
.
.
.
.
dear , why do you always make me make choice for you when you're
around? now i don't know what you like. we're all so lost without you.
i'm so afraid to take statement. i feel so upset whenever i'm being reminded
of the accident. i know you will handle better if you were the one who's alive.
.
.
.
.
.
dear , sometimes i really wish to leave this world and be together with you.
but i can't leave my family and friends. sorry for being so selfish. i'm not strong
enough to be together with you. i don't wish them to be sad. i don't want them
to waste money and time for me to heal my leg then in the end i disappoint them.
.
.
.
.
.
dear , there's so many things i wish to tell you. i regretted for not expressing
my love for you. i regretted for breaking up with you for a periiod of time the
other time. now , we do not even have the chance to watch firework together.
nvm , i will do everything together with your heart everytime.
.
.
.
.
.
i really miss you darling. do come and find me soon alright? you chose 25 for
a reason and i think i know the reason. anyway , i will write letter to you on
every 25th. and i will burn everything to you when i'm able to walk. i will
go and find you at bukit timah when i'm able to walk. i hope to stay over at
your place every 25th. will you help me to talk to your mother about it?
i will asked your mother about it also. but i hope you will help me with it.
.
.
.
.
.
dear , i'm still going ahead being a nurse. i'm sure i will be a better one.
don't you think so? do you agree with me being a nurse? are you helping
me with it cause i think they're taking me with the bond if i'm not wrong.
bbut you always disagree with me being a nurse cause i always kaopei
i'm tired and you always say to yang me. but now , you're not able to yang
me already. :(
.
.
.
.
.
you always asked me to marry you but i always asked you to wait.
cause i'm still studying and i wanted the both of us to change.
i wanted to change my temper and i wanted you to change your beating
and gambling.
.
.
.
.
.
although i didn't really express my love to you , but i guess you
can feel it right cause no matter how you beat me , i'm still back to you.
i still wait for you at your house downstair waiting for you to be back
when we quarrell.
.
.
.
.
.
i'm glad that at least we went to taipei once, night safari once , singapore
flyer once , resort world once.
though some is not your first time and some is not my first time.
but still , some is both of our first time.
i really thank you. thank you for bringing me joy in my life.
.
.
.
.
.
you tried to give me everything. even if i meant the world.
you also tried to give me.
you really try and i can see. sometimes i really feel you
but i just don't wannt express myself because i want my face
in another way also.
i always say i don't wanna marry you infront of your friends
but i really hope to. i just want to disturb you.
.
.
.
.
.
i regret it. i should have said yes. if you're willing to wait for me
the other lifetime , i would say yes immediately. but i'm afraid you
won't. just like you didn't wait for me for 4 years.
.
.
.
.
dear , we always sms and talk whenever you're at work. now that i'm
alone at home , i don't receieve your call and sms , i feel so weird. i really
feel so weird.
.
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.
.
i will update again. i know this post is more to boyf love.
but what to do , i really miss him alot alot like nobody can describe.
i dont know if anybody will understand how i feel but i really miss him
like crazy.
.
.
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.
.
i hate heaven. i hate heaven for bringing him away from me when we're
so deeply in love and our time together are so short. everybody love him
so dearly. why does heaven have to bring him away? :(