kammygkx

i went to see boyf love last thurs.
it was good but sad at the same time.
i didn't really talked to him but i did
deep down in my heart.
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i did tear for a few times but did not
really cried. didn't want to embarrass myself
infront of th , yongan and yifeng.
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saw boyf love's family there in the later part.
heard his mummy's teary voice , i nearly cried
but i was fighting back my tears.
later we went to have dinner with his family ,
i thought alot too.
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how nice would that be if boyf love were here too
to have dinner together with us. i really miss him.
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anyway , thanks th for bringing me there to see him.
i feel so much better after seeing him.
i know his mummy's words may sound hurtful
but i never blame her for that for i can totally
understand how she feels. she don't feel any better
than me. it's his mummy afterall.
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someone who carrys him for 9 months and support
him for 22years. nevertheless , my love for him
cannot be compared with his mother. i didn't really
spoke to his mummy as i'm not someone good with
words. i'm afraid we might end up all crying.
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i'm very timid. i dare not spoke up for the fact that
i wanna stay over every 25th night. i know she will reject.
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i know everybody do miss him. but i really miss him
alot. i hate the face that i won't be receiving anymore
texts from him , hate the fact that i couldn't hear his voice
anymore. hate the fact that he won't be hugging me to
sleep anymore no matter how long i wait. hate the fact
that he won't be back anymore. hate the fact that he
won't be scolding me anymore.
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it's time to wake up now and not lying to myself that
he's out there at work. but sometimes it's just harder
to accept the fact.
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i can't wait. i really can't wait for some bad news
that would happen to me. i really don't know how
to cope anymore. i'm like going crazy anytime.
i cannot just end my life like that but i really miss
him. why does heaven have to take him away from me?!
why? :(
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i'm sorry i teared once again dear. but you surely
do know how we're feeling right? we really miss
you. i know you don't want us to worry for you just
like i wouldn't want my family and friends to worry
for me but what to do?
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i really hate the fact that you're gone by my side
forever just like that.