kammygkx

i went to TCM today. :( painnnnnn ~
he press and twist at first. then put ointment.
press and twist again. then after that accupuncture.
the feeling sucks ! when the needle poke right through
you and hits your nerve , wabiang oi ~
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i cried lah of course since i'm a crybaby. :(
there used to be a saying like this.....
let me be physically hurt so that deep down in
my heart , i wouldn't feel much pain.
but why whenever i'm in pain , my heart feels
alot more heavier? really like piercing through my
stomach anytime. :(((((((
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i hate it , hate it why you're not here with me.
hate it that i cannot squeeze your hand tight when
i'm in pain. hate that i cannot hug you to cry after that.
hate that you're not here consoling me.
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i really don't know how long all these pain are gonna last.
just how many times must i go through all these shit again?
what if it really is not gonna cure and i fucking cannot stand
again?
actually i see my condition like that , i also find it very difficult to
heal already.
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i'm sorry if i couldn't do what i promised.
to go liquid when i'm okay.
to meet alot alot of people when i'm okay.
i'm afraid i'm not going to be okay.
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i saw alot of people in the news and other show about
handicapped living very well too.
i'm sorry but i don't think i'm able to do it.
i may not mind losing one toe , having scars on my leg;
looking ugly , can't wear mini skirts or hot pants or
even nice shoes or slippers.
but that doesn't mean i don't mind sitting on the
wheelchair forever.
i'd rather die if that's the case.
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people may see or think or feels that i'm strong.
but i'm not as strong as what i may seem.
dear , will you catch me like how you used to
if i fall for you right now? :( i miss you.