okay , great. this is soooo great ! :(
i lost all the photos and video (s)
of weihao. or i can say maybe i really
didn't save it the last time. :(
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my sister helped to bring all the discs to
her office and helped me check. really
don't have. sigh..... maybe it's all fated?
maybe he doesn't want me to cry after
looking at it? i don't know....
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went to m'sia to have my statement done.
sad but glad that i've conquer myself & i won
the battle. :D
sad is cause i didn't get to see him nor do i have
the feeling that he's even near to me. :((((
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i was looking up at the sky in my kitchen this
one day. looking at the sky , listening to my phone's
songs and smoking.
people used to say that people die will go up to heaven
and heaven is high up above the sky.
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i looked and looked and looked. whispering to you
hoping you could hear me somehow.
i cried..... suddenly i saw this bright little star.
at first it seemed to me that it's you holding
on to some light writing on something to me.
cannot really figured out what it was cause
it's in very small motion.
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but then later on , when i continue staring at
it , it seemed to me like a little fairy with lights
and wings on it. the star seemed to be moving
and alive to me.
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i don't know whether is it i think too much
or my puffy eyes made me imagined that.
i looked into the sky at a very long time.
somehow i hope is you but another part
of me hoped that it's not you also cause
i want you to be by my side , not high
in the sky. :(
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my mummy thought that i would do something
foolish. she wanted to go to the toilet in the middle
of the night then she suggested that she closed one
of the window. -.-
i told her if i wanted to jump , i'd have done so earlier.
i've been sitting here for quite some time already.
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then she answered . "how i know ah. normally people
who want to commit suicide will sit there for a very
long time thinking what you've not done. "

so i replied , "well , i'm not that sort of people cause if
i sit there longer and looked down , i will not have the courage
to jump. so if i really want to jump , i would have already done so. "
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i don't want to worry her and other people.
but i just suddenly got the mood to look in the
sky that day. i also don't know what leads me to that.
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anyway , i had a dream of him today when i was sleeping
until late evening ! i woke up with a heavy heart and a smile
on my face. heavy heart cause it was a sad dream. he ignored me
again. :( smile cause i get to see him again ! :D
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sigh ~ really , my mood sucks now so don't think
can update our lovely little blog. shall update soon
i promise. :( i going off to viwawa already. bye peeeps ~ :D

i went to physio today. things turn out bad.
the physio say the condition is bad. it's going
to be a problem. :(
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she keeps pressing and twisting my ankle and
foot. damn pain !!!!!! :(
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i cried... it was damn pain. i cried and told my stepfather...
why must i be left alone here and suffer? i don't want to....
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i know and i can feel he's sad too & i think he's afraid i might
do something foolish so he console me.
he said weihao will want me to live stronger.
i know , i know. that's what everybody is saying.
that's what i always told myself too.
but i really cannot take it anymore.
i just breakdown and keep crying and crying.
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dear , i'm sorry if i've made you worried but
i really don't like it. i don't like this feeling. why
not you be the one living? i want you live off well
also. it's not only you want me to live you understand?
i want you to live for me also. why can't you do that?
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can you hear me dear? can you see me? i'm not good;
i'm not good at all. can you come back to me please?
will you come back? :(((((
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this feeling suck-ed. i totally cannot stop my tears
from falling. i don't know why today it just happen
like that. why?! my mood is fuck-ed up now. :(
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going m'sia take statement tomorrow.
i hope to see you tomorrow. will you? :(

i is damn pissed !

last time Weihao know i got save me and

defeng's photo in my laptop so he very angry wants me

to delete. but you know , it's something quite

important to me at that time.

so , i went to school campus and buy some discs

to save up all the photos that i have.

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so i remember i save me and defeng

& me and some friends ones onto one disc.

i saved my classmates , liquid 40 and goreng pisang

photos into one disc.

i save my family and myself de into one disc.

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then some of the discs cannot open ! i know my house

computer laggggg. but then.... i suddenly very scared.

scared that i never save his and mine de photos.

cause maybe i took things for granted thought

that we could always take mahhhhh ~ but then hors ,

when i think again , i got save myself de confirm got save his

also.

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but you know , when i was saving at that time ,

got some problems occured but i never really care

and i checked some of the disc have so i never totally

check every single disc. :(

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i scared..... the last hope of finding our photos and

video will be lost. :( i'm pinning on this hope to hear

his voice again. :(

somebody please save me & maybe bring laptop

for me and use so that i can copy and paste it

onto my thumb drive? cause my sister's notebook

cannot put disc to it ! :(

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checked my thumb drive and saw this photo.

i saved it the last time using my laptop cause

i copy and paste every single of our wedding photos

into my laptop from a disc. and cause i'm making a key chain

with our photo on it for his birthday present

& we chose this ! :D

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so this is the only wedding photo inside my thumb drive. :(

once that nice kind soul come and save me.

& HOPEFULLY !!! got our photos and video inside ,

i will post it and share with everybody ! :D

i'm one day late but still ,
HAPPY 1 YEAR & 7th MONTHS ANNIVERSARY TO YOU BABY ! :D
wondering what we will be doing yesterday if
nothing like that were to happen. where would we
go? what would we be eating? what surprises would he bring
me next?
okay , nvm. i'm just thinking........
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people must be wondering why i post in my facebook
saying that i've changed...
okay , i feel that i've changed because i gave people
my number on facebook when people asked !
i don't know why i did that but i don't really do that
in the past.
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maybe..... because i know i can't make alot of choices
now because of what had happened to me feet.
maybe...... i just want more friends?
maybe...... i've just changed?
i really don't know. i don't know the answer myself.
i know Weihao will be disappointed in me if he knew this.
but....... i just don't know why i did that.
*slap myself*
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i also feel that i might not know how to love anymore
after blogging about what me and weihao used to do and
everything. will i still put in my 100% in my next r/ship?
maybe i wouldn't anymore cause i've a phobia of losing
it again.
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maybe or maybe not cause i'm still not in love yet.
and even maybe if that guy doesn't really mind my
feet , will i really accept him? will i compare him with
weihao? will my new love mind?
okay okay , forget it. -.- thinking too much at the moment
i guess.
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people says beauty lies on the hand of the beholder.
To Weihao Soh.....
Are you willing to be the beholder of my beauty still?
i hoped somehow you heard and you answered.
i think i heard you saying yes. :)
i know you know i love you baby.
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When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... to more than I can be.
There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes I think I glimpse eternity.
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Things i'd like to tell you if you're here with me....
You think i'm pretty without make-up on
You think i'm funny when i tell the punch line wrong
I know you get me so i let my walls come down
Before you met me I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now ever february
You'll be my valentine
Let's go all the way tonight
No regret ; Just love
We can dance until we die
You & I ; will be young forever
The way you turn me on ;
I can't sleep
Let's runaway & don't ever look back
My heart stops when you look at me
Just one touch ; now baby I believe
This is real so take a chance
& don't ever look back
I finally found you
My miss missing puzzle piece, I'm complete
I'm a got your heart racing
in my skin-tight jeans tonight
Let you put your hands on me
in my skin-tight jeans tonight
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okay , i'm going over to another blog and blog already. bye people. :D

Greatness as you ,
Smallest as me.
You show me what is deep as sea.
A little love , little kiss ,
A little hug , little gift
All of little something , these are memories.
You make me cry , make me smile ,
make me feel that love is true.
You always stand by my side ,
I don't want to say goodbye.
Thank you for all the love
you always give to me.
I love you. :)
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There's nothing i can say to you
Nothing i can ever do to make you see
What you mean to me.
All the pain , the tears i cried
Still you never say goodbye
& now i know how far you'd go
I know i let you down
but it's not like that now
I will be , all that you want.
And get myself together
cause you keep me from falling apart.
And all my life , i hope to be with you forever
Just to get you through the day
& make everything okay.
I thought that i had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now i see , honesty
You're the one thing i got right
The only one i let inside
Now i can't breathe
Cause you ain't here with me
And if i let you down
i'll turn it all around
cause i would never want to let you go
All my life , i just wanna be with you forever
You're all I got , You're all i want
And without you , i don't know what i'd do
I can never ever live a day without you
Here with me , do you see
You're all i need
I will be , all that you want.
And get myself together
cause you keep me from falling apart.
And all my life , i hope to be with you forever
Just to get you through the day
& make everything okay.

Beibei came over to my place yesterday afternoon
to visit me with all-time-favourite chicken rice ,
blueberry tea (big bottle) some more & merci chocolate !
we eat and chatted awhile before she went to work. :D
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then at night , Yifeng and Kerin came over my place
and visit also. more things ! hahaha.
crossword puzzles , shows like grown ups and toy story 3
&& my all-time-fav marlboro menthol. :D
they sit and slack for quite some time.
chatted alot. :)
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&& today , Grace and Kenneth came ! :D
bought me my all-time-fav MacSpicy !!!!
muahahahahahahahahaha.
then we sat awhile and talk also. :)
and then they went for their movie. :))))
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thank you people ! love love love ttm ! :)
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hmmm , listening to the songs with earpiece and
i'm going over to blog for my beloved blog now. :))))
good de bye people ! :D

went down to my house downstair to meet xiaosheng , qinwei , kelly and sheryl just now. actually is want to play with candles want. but then boh candles. -.- so we just sat downstair and talk cock talk cock. lols ! sorry to xiaosheng and qinwei if we happens to bore you all. D:
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actually why ah why. why am i left here in this world?
i everyday like eat , sleep , use computer , watch tv only.
waste the utility bill lehhhhh ~ :( if only i'm taken away that
time too then i don't have to waste my mummy's money now.
sigh ~
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anyway , i think i'd like to post about how i'd like my funeral
to be if next time i happen to leave the world like out of a
sudden. :x
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i also don't know why i will think this way. but i just feel that
life is soooo fragile. and i really don't know what might even
happen next. so friends , if you happen to read and see this post ,
please tell my family about it. :x
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-i want myself to be in bridal gown when i pass away.
cause i remember weihao was in a suit that time. i wanted
to continue to carry on our wedding.

-please choose a nice photo for me that i will look cheerful
enough and pretty of course. so that everytime you all come
and visit and pray , will remember my pretty & cheerful look. :D

-i don't want you all to feel sad for me cause i won't like it.
can cry cause i understand but not infront of my wake please.

-move on with your life but please do not forget me.

-don't blame anybody else (if i happen to die due to accident)
cause it's an accident.

-please buy my favourite food always when you all come and
visit and pray me. all time fav ayam , pokka blueberry tea ,
chocolate beancurd and marlboro menthol please ~ lols !

hmmm , i also don't know anything else leh. but it should
be about that lah. :x will add on more if i think of it and
if it's still not too late.
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i know you all will say i'm being very pessimisstic here.
but come on lah , it's really very difficult to say if someone
really has to go or time is up.
i just feel the need to say before everything is too late.
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but don't worry cause they always say when a people
who always keep thinking about dying , won't die so
soon. so maybe i think i might still live up to 80.
the above was JUST IN CASE. lols !
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actually , i don't wish to grow so old also. i don't want
to wait until the 21900 days without him. :(
why 21900 days? cause it's 60 years to be exact.
try calculating it if you don't believe me . :x
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actually i also find it very stupid to count by days
cause every leap years you will need to add additional
one more day. it's also not very accurate also lah. :x
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i seriously hate the feeling when relatives start saying.
why you never try to start walking?! don't be lazy.
what the..... as if i got lazy until i don't want to walk. -.-
who will like to go to the toilet with the computer chair
or even go out with wheelchair. -.-
& i feel that even if i try to walk now also won't okay.
so might as well wait for the physiotherapist to tell
me what to do. correct?!
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but now i also got try walking. don't say i lazy anymore
k ! :x okay , i've updated me and weihao's blog already.
go see see. very funny ! hahaha.
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i'm going over there to read liao loh. bye people ~ :D

a picture that sums it all. :)

i typed my name and weihao's name on google yesterday cause i wanted to see if our blog could be search by google. and then i found this place.
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http://www.asiaone.com/Motoring/News/Story/A1Story20100618-222797.html
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it's a place about news and it happened to be what had happen to us. it's a very touching article but those comments that people leaves can be sooooo nasty and disgusting. it's very infuriating to have the thought that people don't know anything yet they can comment like they know everything ! wth ~
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i is sibei de angry when i thought of that. relax , chill chill. nor worth spoiling my mood because of that. well , think i'm going to sleep after reading my beloved blog for one more last time. :) good de night people ! :D

so much so for being pessimisstic. now , i'm gonna be brave and face the fact that he's not here anymore. created a blog specially for me and him. :) interested parties please visit http://25thfebruary2009.blogspot.com/ heehee ~ hope you all will liked it just like i love it ! enjoy reading and do leave a comment after doing so ! :D

actually , i was thinking quite abit before i slept last night.
if i can choose a way to die , i'd rather......

1) die during an operation. why? cause i don't think i will
feel anything during an operation even if i were to die
cause i will be under general anaesthesia mah ~

2)die during an accident. must be hit my head and
die on the spot want. why? cause i also hit my head
during the accident and i lost conscious after that and
i don't feel anything when i woke up.




but then to think again. what will ever happen if i really
die one day? will people be grieving over me like how i
grieve over him? how long will that be? i don't want them
to grieve over me when i'm dead cause i don't want them to
be unhappy but... i also don't want them to forget me.
i know , contradicting. -.-



i know they won't forget me lah of course but i don't
want to miss a thing in their life. :( why must people die?





and if i happen to die , will my friends be free to attend
to my wake? all busy working de busy working. busy schooling
de busy schooling. busy with both de busy with both.
will they stay there for the nightsssss?


will they be there for my 49th day?



okay okay , stop saying all this rubbish liao. D:
i seriously hate to bid goodbyes especially to those
that i know i will never be able to meet again.
i wanna have babiessss. let's all say HI to the newborn
babiessss ! :)





i'm going to m'sia to take my statement soon.
i'm so gonna conquer "nan bei da dao",
that scary expressway that took away my love,
so many other people's love.
i'm going to fight the battle alone.
i will not lose to you; TEARS !!!!!
i will win the battle ! yes , i will.








i is sibei scared to go for my physiotherapy.
not scared what. is scared the pain !!!! wth ~
if only you're here with me. :(
it's fascinating how people can make an impact in your life.

i is pluck up alot of courage then decided

to post photos of my feet. people must be curious

how is it right. so there it is...

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it's better to show people how is it with pictures

than people asking and asking and asking.

haha.

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i know , though it may affect my love life.

but... if the guy leaves me because of my

feet then the guy is definitely not worth

my love correct.

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anyway , i also don't have the mood to

talk about love for the time being lah. -.-

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ker ker wear panty cause she lai

ang ! hahahahahah. cute !

that's about pictures ~ :))))

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i was thinking whether i should create

a blog for me and weihao just like

grace created for bernard and herself.

so that if next time i wanted to bring back

some of our memory , i can still go back to

the blog and read instead

of searching for my archives.

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alright , that's about all.

can say my feet is disgusting whatever

i don't care.

just hope i still can wear heels

the next time. hahahahahahaha.

stupid ~

alright lah , byebye.

blogging at the wee hour now. haha.
everybody is asleep and i'm outside the living
room crying my heart out. :(
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i asked grace (remember the link i post few days back?)
a few questions and she e-mailed
me. i cried when reading her e-mail.
sad , but was encouraging. well , she went through
the same thing with me mah ~
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sigh ~ i wonder why human being is so weird.
why do we always like to go and read people's
post when their loved one is gone.
no offence , but i was once like you all.
heard who who who pass away very young ,
i will go and search high and low for that person's
blog , his/her friend's blog and to read how they
are doing.
why is it so?
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why so many people liked our photos in fb
after things happened? why before that nobody
ever liked at all? sigh ~
hard to explain cause it's human nature.
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went to ttsh to see dr again. i've been eating apple
recently already but don't know why i still never
keep the doctors away. okay , nonsense ~ i know.
different story mah. -.-
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i don't know why i cannot keep my eyes off white cars
especially honda civic.
i will screen out for white car , look out for honda civic
and next is the car plate number.
maybe a part of me is still unwilling to accept that
you're gone. pinning a hope that your car will appear
infront of me and the one stepping out of the
car will be you. omg , what am i thinking?
wake up wake up !!!!!
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i suddenly mood swing , pms.
everybody must be sick of me posting about
how sad i am , how much i miss him in fb but hello !
you all can don't like or comment if you all are
sick of it , sick of consoling me. i don't need
it also. cause.... i feel worst. :(
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how am i supposed to bring myself to love someone
else when i know that he is there still loving me? :(
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don't worry people , i'll be strong.
yes , i will be strong.

yes , i hand itchy. go and find my W980
and go and read all the past msgs that were
sent to me by him.
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i cannot imagine i was so demanding and
unreasonable in the past. he was so caring
and yet i never pay attention to that until
now. i'm such a failure. i fail to be his good
girlfriend.
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i can say he's irritating and annoying just
because i wanna work and can't talk to him
or even i'm revising and i don't answer his call.
even so , he still wishes me all the best for my
exams. he still coax me no matter how nasty
things i've said to him.
saying he's not willing to put down this relationship
cause he still love and he still care.
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he said he can don't go out if i don't feel like going out.
wanna cook dinner for me just because i don't feel like
eating. and yet all i did was reject , reject and reject.
i really don't know what the hell i was thinking.
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when i was sick , he always ask how am i.
ask me to eat more bland things when i'm
okay already. ask me to cover blanket well
just because i just recover from my fever.
but when he's sick , i never even bother to
ask him how is he. just ask him to eat panadol.
and that's it. :(
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he even bought top up card for me knowing
that i not only used it to msg him only but also
to msg other customer but he still did it because
he wanna find me.
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got so anxious for me because i said i vomit blood
while working and always worried for me. :(
worried that i'll love him no more. worried why i
sent him 1 or 2 words msgs.
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even though valentine day and chinese new year he's not
with me , he still sent me msgs. and i never even sent until
he grumbles.
what kind of girlfriend can i be?
i should be the one gone and not him. :(
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now i cannot even get his well wishes for my
birthday , chinese new year , valentine day ,
my exams , christmas , many many more.
don't worry , i will keep those msg well.
though i couldn't help my tears from falling
but i'm really happy that i could still read your
msgs. i really miss you alot darling boyfriend. T.T

i'm sorry if i've made people teared by reading
my blog. but that's not my purpose. :(
just pouring out how i'm feeling. sigh ~
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went fb see see look look since there's nothing
much to do. then saw alot of people is so into
kite-flying nowadays. that made me think
back of the days where we would go kite-flying. :(
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though we didn't go alot of time , but still....
i still remember once i say i wanna fly kite and
this silly boy actually went to changi and search
for one. he even bought dessert for me which
he likes so much and thought that i'd like it
too. it's not bad but i don't really like it. :x
but somehow , i hope to have a taste of it once
again. :(
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and then , one day , he brought me to marina
bay. he say alot of people fly kite there.
but then..... he brought me to this wulu wulu
place where construction is taking place. D:
i really had a good laugh and it was raining that
day. don't have any wind. but still , he persist
on flying that kite. that's really sweet of him.
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we tried a few times and then end up failing and
we gave up but we had a good laugh cause everyone
standing near the bus stop is like looking at us with
those eyes. -.-
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after that , we stopped flying kite and the kite is left
there for like 98734862347629 days until we found out
that tianhao and the rest is flying also ! hhahahahahahaha.
so we went to fly kite one day together with them. it
was so much fun then !
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we still bought another kite which is in doraemon
design. haha. then jio tianhao they all go fly kite again.
still remember once there was no wind and then this
silly boy and his friends took turn to take the kite and
run round the big big field. omg ! it must have tired
him out. :( and i still can remember what he said.
he's so tired and so he keep asking the other to run one
more round and there he is sitting around only.
lols !
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i really miss those happy days with him. :(
who can bring me back my laughter again?
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sigh ~ okay. enough enough , i'm supposed to be recovering. :(
alright , tomorrow going ttsh again to see doctor to remove stitch
then after that going TCM for accupuncture for my right leg most
probably. alright , that's all for now. goodbye !

firstly , i would like to apologise sometimes for
not replying msgs , not answering calls.
sometimes , really wish to turn off my phone
and keep myself away from everything , everybody. :(
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secondly , i would like to thank........
-my girlfriends, who would make trips to my place
to visit me , to make sure i'm fine.

-sosa , for visiting me frequently also.

-my family , for supporting me all this while.

-all the staffs of TTSH ward 12c who took care of me
especially caroline who played a role like a mother of mine. :)

-those sisters from TTSH who came and gave
condelences.

-NR0915 for always being there.

-lecturers of NYP who are concern about me.

-my sec school friends and people who payed a visit when
i was hospitalised

-colleagues and bosses of liquid 40.

-boyf love's bishan friends for their support

got many many people to thank. don't know whether
i got miss out any or not.
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there was once i went to ttsh for counselling and to see psy.
for counselling , she said for a normal grieve period of time
is 6 months to 2 years. i wonder how long will mine take.
though i don't cry as much as the past , but i still miss you as much.
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as for psy , he said the things i've done is very normal
for someone who've lost heir loved ones. and he said
something very special. he said normally people who've
had acccident before will keep a distance from their
family and friends for no reason. no particular reason
why we did that but just we do so.
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i was thinking... is that so? and i find it so real.
i don't know why is my behaviour like that and
i cannot really explain. maybe when things happen
to you , you will understand already.
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i suddenly thought of the promises my boyfriend
and i made at ECP. yes , i will definitely live together
with this promises we've made and i will always remember
and do the thing that i had promise him.
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i think , i'm willing to let go now.
就让我再没有你的地方坚强。
that's all for now. byebye. :)

i wonder why heaven is so harsh.
why took our love away when things
seem so perfectly fine?
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i seriously hope heaven will stop playing
such prank on us anymore.
i suddenly don't know what to blog anymore.
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what if one day i stop using our photo as primary
photo in facebook? does that mean i've forgotten
you? or does that mean that i'm willing to let go?
i don't know? when will that be? i'm really afraid
for that day to come. :(
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sigh ~ wondering what will we be doing at this
time , at this moment if nothing like this happen.
well , think i should just stop that.
life still goes on. time is still waiting for no man.
but i'm still glad cause this means i'm drawing nearer
and nearer to him each day. :)
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dear , sleep tight and i'll join you the other time
which i can't tell you when cause i don't know myself
either. hope that by the time , nothing much changes. :)
ily.