i went to TCM today. :( painnnnnn ~
he press and twist at first. then put ointment.
press and twist again. then after that accupuncture.
the feeling sucks ! when the needle poke right through
you and hits your nerve , wabiang oi ~
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i cried lah of course since i'm a crybaby. :(
there used to be a saying like this.....
let me be physically hurt so that deep down in
my heart , i wouldn't feel much pain.
but why whenever i'm in pain , my heart feels
alot more heavier? really like piercing through my
stomach anytime. :(((((((
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i hate it , hate it why you're not here with me.
hate it that i cannot squeeze your hand tight when
i'm in pain. hate that i cannot hug you to cry after that.
hate that you're not here consoling me.
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i really don't know how long all these pain are gonna last.
just how many times must i go through all these shit again?
what if it really is not gonna cure and i fucking cannot stand
again?
actually i see my condition like that , i also find it very difficult to
heal already.
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i'm sorry if i couldn't do what i promised.
to go liquid when i'm okay.
to meet alot alot of people when i'm okay.
i'm afraid i'm not going to be okay.
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i saw alot of people in the news and other show about
handicapped living very well too.
i'm sorry but i don't think i'm able to do it.
i may not mind losing one toe , having scars on my leg;
looking ugly , can't wear mini skirts or hot pants or
even nice shoes or slippers.
but that doesn't mean i don't mind sitting on the
wheelchair forever.
i'd rather die if that's the case.
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people may see or think or feels that i'm strong.
but i'm not as strong as what i may seem.
dear , will you catch me like how you used to
if i fall for you right now? :( i miss you.

如果不小心伤害了你，你不要太伤心。因为我真的不是故意，让你受委屈。既然相爱了那么久，不能就这样分手。因为我们的爱来之不易，我真的不想放弃。baby so sorry , baby 别伤心，我依然爱着你，想着你。别离去，没有你的日子真的好空虚。baby 在一起， baby别哭泣，我依然疼着你，念着你。我的心，永远属于你。原谅我这一次，我真的好想你。不管你离我多么遥远，我会以至等着你。baby , i know you still love me. come back , my love. my love ~
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请不要分了以后还记亲吻过的承诺，你的永久已不属于我。默默低头，那时我很多话根在喉咙。你的笑，你的快乐不是我爱太多，想太多。爱放了手，我会装冷漠，比我先走。请原谅我，好像自私把你占有。一个寂寞就给我承受。爱过，哭过，恨过也笑过。亲吻过你的脆弱。其实我比谁都要懦弱。爱原来要舍得，我难过，我才懂。
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习惯了你的重量温柔的压在手上，现在却不得不放。习惯了你的味道漂浮在我的肩膀。想到从前的我们，我笑了，也哭了。我试这填满心却一再少一块。就算我对你的爱深得像一片海，重的我放不开，亲爱的我想我不会爱。
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城市里，人影交替，有多少机会交集？不期然相遇，意外的美丽，心动的默契。让我懂了爱，感情终究无可替代。爱，是变得很像依赖。爱，是想要陪你醒来。爱，想象你在未来，一辈子存在。想做你一辈子的爱。
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你说你还在，一分一秒也没走开。我想留在这里可是一切已经太晚。我不能再像从前一样，为我们的明天疯狂。你不能说，我没有爱过，说我没等过难过。我也想说，也许能从来我还是沉默。你一直问我的心到底在不在。而我怎能不遗憾就丢失了爱。我的泪，怎么就流下来？
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关于你好的怀的都已经听说，愿意深陷的是我。没有决定的以后，没有谁祝福我，反而想要勇敢接受。爱到哪里都会有人犯错，希望错的不是我。其实心中没有退路可守，跟着你错，跟着你走。我们的故事爱就爱到值得，错也错的值得，爱到翻天覆地也没有结果。不等你说更美的承诺，我可以对自己承诺。是执著，是洒脱，留给别人去说，用尽所有力气不是为我，而是为你才这么做。
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你说明天，就等明天。明天似乎离我太遥远。我在思念，只能思念。用思念填充没有你的夜。寂寞冲破了底线，在心中盘旋你看不见，任由心痛在蔓延，怎么勇敢去跨越？怕感情出了界，你的爱还在不在？全世界都在变，我只为了你存在。你丛然不言悔，却从不曾了解，我要不过就是能安定的感觉。怕真心出了界，怎么说你才明白？我已经走不开，幸福的门为你开。别只给你的爱，却不给我未来，我用什么等待？
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站在十字路的交点，该怎么走？我却只想回头。除了你给的爱我再也没有别的借口去拥有你的什么。你能体谅我有雨天，偶尔膽怯你都谅解。过去那些大雨落下的瞬间，我突然发现，谁能体谅我的雨天？所以情愿回你身边，此刻脚步会慢一些，如此坚决，你却越来越远。
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爱情是流动的，不由人的。相信你只是怕伤害我，不是骗我，很爱过谁会舍得？把我的梦摇醒了，宣布幸福不会来了。用心酸微笑去原谅了，也翻越了，有昨天还是好的，但明天是自己的，开始懂了，快乐是选择。
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我已经学会爱情的语言，可是却失去你我的世界。爱是一条曲折的线，将你我带往两边，分开的两个人，怎么都不能回到起点。陌生的城市，生活的考验，最近的天空，多半是雨天。因为爱情输给时间，所以要自己体验，不管泪水多显，有一天我会告别从前。在爱情字典里找不到永远，我们越走越远，两个世界。新的感觉也许偶尔会出现，怎么没有了你，都不对？在爱情字典里找不到永远，等到哭红双眼，我才发现，爱情有一条看不见的界限，我们都过不了那条线。
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谁，改变了我的世界，没有方向，没有日夜。我看这天，这一刻在想你，是否会对我一样思念？你曾说我们有一个梦，等到那天我们来实现，我望着天，在心中默默念，下一秒你出现在眼前。想念的心，装满的都是你。我的钢琴，弹奏的都是你。我的日记，写满的都是你的名，才发现，又另一个黎明。这是我对你爱的累积。
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你让我的董事变成一种幼稚，你让我的骄傲变得很无知，你让我的朋友关心我的生活，你让我的软弱陪伴你的自由。离开我，你会不会好一点？离开你，什么事都难一点。车来了，坐上你的明天，车走了，我还站在路边。风来了，云就会少一点。你走了，我住在雨里面。
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一个人完成，我们的梦想。你总说，时间还很多，你可以等我。以前我不懂得未必明天就有以后。没看你脸上张扬过哀伤，那是种多么寂寞的倔强。你拆了城墙，让我去流浪，在原地等我，把自己捆绑。你没说你也会软弱，需要依赖我。我就装不晓得，自由移动，自我地过。想念是会呼吸的痛，它活在我身上所有角落。亨你爱的歌会痛，看你的信会痛，连沉默也痛。遗憾是会呼吸的痛，它流在血液中来回滚动。后悔不贴心会痛，恨不懂你会痛，想见不能见最痛。我发誓不再说谎了，多爱你就回抱你多紧的，我的微笑都假了，灵魂向漂浮着，你在就好了。我发誓不让你等候，陪你做想做的无论什么。我越来越像贝壳，怕心被人触碰，你会来那就好了。能重来，那就好了。

i always thought i needed time on my own,
i never thought i'd need you there when i cry.
& the days felt like years when i'm alone.
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side.
I've never felt this way before ,
everything that I do , reminds me of you.
And the clothes you left , they lie on the floor ,
& they smell just like you , I love the things that you do.
When you walked away , i count the steps that you take.
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone ,
the pieces of my heart are missing you.
When you're gone ,
the face I came to know is missing too.
When you're gone ,
the words i need to hear to always get me through the day ,
to make it okay.
I miss you.
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挑一张耶诞卡写上满满祝福的活。地址写的是心地你能不能收到它？天有点冷，风有点大，城市宁静而喧哗。这一个冬天我得一个人走回家。有再多的牵挂都已没有权力表达，旧情人给的问候比陌生人还尴尬。昨天远了，明天还长。会议模糊但巨大。这样的深夜，眼泪要怎样不流下？问自己习惯了吗？没有你每到夜里回声变得好大。有没有什么好方法，让寂寞更听话。你最近还好吗？是不是也在思念里争扎？你说会记得我，还记得吗？你最近还好吗？忙碌吗，累吗，心还会痛吗？如果真不得已，忘了我。快向快乐出发。
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缘分让你我擦肩，没开口却有感觉。再回头，只能怀念。寂寞因你而强烈，熬不过漫长午夜。天涯挡不住思念，渴望着他年他月他日再相见。到那天，决不再让你走过我身边。沉默的习惯，愿为你而改变。心要让你听见，爱要让你看见。不怕承认对你有多眷恋。想你的时候，盼你能收到我的真情留言。问你是否愿意分享每一天，把我的遗憾变成感谢。
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常常责怪自己，当初不应该。常常后悔没有把你留下来。为什么明明相爱，到最后还是要分开？是否我们总是徘徊在心门子外？命运如此安排，总叫人无奈。这些日子过得不好不坏，只是好像少了一个人的存在。而我渐渐明白，你仍然是我不变的关怀。当爱情历经桑田沧海，是否还有勇气去爱？
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你撑着雨伞接我那次，已经足够我记得一辈子。我懂后来你不是不坚持，爱情本来就没万无一失。可惜爱不是童话故事，不能够永远依赖着王子。我最幸福的事，当过你的天使。趁鼻酸能掩饰，让我们像当时拥抱最后一次。最幸福的事，吹蜡烛时你总为我许愿的手势。维持爱的人，左边心口保留位置是最幸福的事。那一阵子又你，美的不像现实。多高兴每一幕都微笑静止。我最幸福的事，牵着你的日子。最幸福的事，对那片海用力大喊永远的样子。想得起的事，那天和你傻笑的认识，是最幸福的事。

sometimes i really got the urge to like really scream at people's face.
something like........
"can you people stop asking how am i?! how would you feel if you're on my shoe?! do you think you would be okay?!"
wth...... okay ~ i'm just venting out and of course i know people are concerned about me that's why they would ask. but.........
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i seriously hope i injured my hands instead of my leg. by then i think i could go out freely and meet my friends and be free from all those sorrow. but i know i should be glad that i only hurt my left feet but those damn doctors make it worst and hurt my right leg after the operation. -.-
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i really feel i'm a burden when i'm out with friends. of course i know they wouldn't say that cause i'm their friends and they won't want to hurt me right? but hey , i know it myself.
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i seriously hate it when my mummy don't really understand all the pains i'm going through for my right leg and keeps nagging that i don't wanna walk and exercise on it. okay , i admit. i partly also lazy but really damn pain can.
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i really don't know what i'll do if the doctor really say my leg got no cure. i think Mr and Mrs Courage will come and find me by then i really don't know what i'll do.
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i don't think people really understand how i really feel though people always says.... "i understand , i understand..." but they only understand parts of the misery i'm going through. i'd be alot more stronger if i'm only hurt emotionally. but now i'm hurt physically too. it's gonna take a long time for me.
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i really don't know what would happen if i were to die one day seriously. like now , all of my friends have already moved on with parts of their life as i don't meet them and hang out with them often. so maybe if i'm gone , they won't be too upset right? it should be a good news to me. for my family , i think they can still take it. but seriously , i will need alot of courage if i really want to die. just hope they do come and find me soon. :(

my sister is soooooo sweet !
bought me an m)phosis slipper cause
on of my slipper spoil and i cannot
wear those normal slipper anymore.
only can wear flip flop now. :x
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went to have a game of mahjong
with Tianhao , Xiaosheng & Pearlyn
past few days. :D
head over to Xiaosheng's place.
so nice of them to let me play without money. :x
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i pok gai already , never work. :(
sigh , anyway , luck is really good when you're
not playing with money. i don't know is it only
me or it's just like that. -.-
flowers keep coming that i think i can
go and sell flowers already. -.-
i'm talking about the mahjong game fyi. lols !
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every love song makes me cry cause
every love reminds me of you.

i'll put your name in a circle and not in my heart
cause a heart can be broken but a circle goes on forever.

I know i'm in love when the hardest thing to do is.....
saying goodbye.

Loving you is like breathing , how can I stop?

I'm jealous of every girl that has ever hugged
you cause for one moment , they had my whole
world in their arms.

The spaces between your fingers were made
so that i could filled them in.

Once i dropped a tear into the ocean ,
the day i find it is the day that i'll stop loving you.

Meeting you was fate ,
becoming your friend was a choice ,
but falling in love with you was beyond my control.

Trying to forget someone you loved is like
trying to remember someone you never knew.

The shortest word i know is (I),
the sweetest word i know is (LOVE),
and the one i'll never forget is (YOU).

In a room full of people , you're always the first one i looked for.

I want to fall for you , so badly.
but i'm not sure that you'll catch me.

Anyone can make you smile ,
many can make you cry,
but it takes someone really special to
make you smile with tears in your eyes.

I want to be the reason you smile.

You'll never understand how much i love you
and i'll never understand why.
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beautiful love quotes i got from youtube.
just feel like sharing but i did edit a little bit of it. :)

okay , great. this is soooo great ! :(
i lost all the photos and video (s)
of weihao. or i can say maybe i really
didn't save it the last time. :(
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my sister helped to bring all the discs to
her office and helped me check. really
don't have. sigh..... maybe it's all fated?
maybe he doesn't want me to cry after
looking at it? i don't know....
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went to m'sia to have my statement done.
sad but glad that i've conquer myself & i won
the battle. :D
sad is cause i didn't get to see him nor do i have
the feeling that he's even near to me. :((((
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i was looking up at the sky in my kitchen this
one day. looking at the sky , listening to my phone's
songs and smoking.
people used to say that people die will go up to heaven
and heaven is high up above the sky.
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i looked and looked and looked. whispering to you
hoping you could hear me somehow.
i cried..... suddenly i saw this bright little star.
at first it seemed to me that it's you holding
on to some light writing on something to me.
cannot really figured out what it was cause
it's in very small motion.
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but then later on , when i continue staring at
it , it seemed to me like a little fairy with lights
and wings on it. the star seemed to be moving
and alive to me.
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i don't know whether is it i think too much
or my puffy eyes made me imagined that.
i looked into the sky at a very long time.
somehow i hope is you but another part
of me hoped that it's not you also cause
i want you to be by my side , not high
in the sky. :(
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my mummy thought that i would do something
foolish. she wanted to go to the toilet in the middle
of the night then she suggested that she closed one
of the window. -.-
i told her if i wanted to jump , i'd have done so earlier.
i've been sitting here for quite some time already.
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then she answered . "how i know ah. normally people
who want to commit suicide will sit there for a very
long time thinking what you've not done. "

so i replied , "well , i'm not that sort of people cause if
i sit there longer and looked down , i will not have the courage
to jump. so if i really want to jump , i would have already done so. "
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i don't want to worry her and other people.
but i just suddenly got the mood to look in the
sky that day. i also don't know what leads me to that.
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anyway , i had a dream of him today when i was sleeping
until late evening ! i woke up with a heavy heart and a smile
on my face. heavy heart cause it was a sad dream. he ignored me
again. :( smile cause i get to see him again ! :D
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sigh ~ really , my mood sucks now so don't think
can update our lovely little blog. shall update soon
i promise. :( i going off to viwawa already. bye peeeps ~ :D

i went to physio today. things turn out bad.
the physio say the condition is bad. it's going
to be a problem. :(
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she keeps pressing and twisting my ankle and
foot. damn pain !!!!!! :(
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i cried... it was damn pain. i cried and told my stepfather...
why must i be left alone here and suffer? i don't want to....
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i know and i can feel he's sad too & i think he's afraid i might
do something foolish so he console me.
he said weihao will want me to live stronger.
i know , i know. that's what everybody is saying.
that's what i always told myself too.
but i really cannot take it anymore.
i just breakdown and keep crying and crying.
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dear , i'm sorry if i've made you worried but
i really don't like it. i don't like this feeling. why
not you be the one living? i want you live off well
also. it's not only you want me to live you understand?
i want you to live for me also. why can't you do that?
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can you hear me dear? can you see me? i'm not good;
i'm not good at all. can you come back to me please?
will you come back? :(((((
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this feeling suck-ed. i totally cannot stop my tears
from falling. i don't know why today it just happen
like that. why?! my mood is fuck-ed up now. :(
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going m'sia take statement tomorrow.
i hope to see you tomorrow. will you? :(

i is damn pissed !

last time Weihao know i got save me and

defeng's photo in my laptop so he very angry wants me

to delete. but you know , it's something quite

important to me at that time.

so , i went to school campus and buy some discs

to save up all the photos that i have.

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so i remember i save me and defeng

& me and some friends ones onto one disc.

i saved my classmates , liquid 40 and goreng pisang

photos into one disc.

i save my family and myself de into one disc.

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then some of the discs cannot open ! i know my house

computer laggggg. but then.... i suddenly very scared.

scared that i never save his and mine de photos.

cause maybe i took things for granted thought

that we could always take mahhhhh ~ but then hors ,

when i think again , i got save myself de confirm got save his

also.

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but you know , when i was saving at that time ,

got some problems occured but i never really care

and i checked some of the disc have so i never totally

check every single disc. :(

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i scared..... the last hope of finding our photos and

video will be lost. :( i'm pinning on this hope to hear

his voice again. :(

somebody please save me & maybe bring laptop

for me and use so that i can copy and paste it

onto my thumb drive? cause my sister's notebook

cannot put disc to it ! :(

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checked my thumb drive and saw this photo.

i saved it the last time using my laptop cause

i copy and paste every single of our wedding photos

into my laptop from a disc. and cause i'm making a key chain

with our photo on it for his birthday present

& we chose this ! :D

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so this is the only wedding photo inside my thumb drive. :(

once that nice kind soul come and save me.

& HOPEFULLY !!! got our photos and video inside ,

i will post it and share with everybody ! :D

i'm one day late but still ,
HAPPY 1 YEAR & 7th MONTHS ANNIVERSARY TO YOU BABY ! :D
wondering what we will be doing yesterday if
nothing like that were to happen. where would we
go? what would we be eating? what surprises would he bring
me next?
okay , nvm. i'm just thinking........
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people must be wondering why i post in my facebook
saying that i've changed...
okay , i feel that i've changed because i gave people
my number on facebook when people asked !
i don't know why i did that but i don't really do that
in the past.
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maybe..... because i know i can't make alot of choices
now because of what had happened to me feet.
maybe...... i just want more friends?
maybe...... i've just changed?
i really don't know. i don't know the answer myself.
i know Weihao will be disappointed in me if he knew this.
but....... i just don't know why i did that.
*slap myself*
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i also feel that i might not know how to love anymore
after blogging about what me and weihao used to do and
everything. will i still put in my 100% in my next r/ship?
maybe i wouldn't anymore cause i've a phobia of losing
it again.
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maybe or maybe not cause i'm still not in love yet.
and even maybe if that guy doesn't really mind my
feet , will i really accept him? will i compare him with
weihao? will my new love mind?
okay okay , forget it. -.- thinking too much at the moment
i guess.
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people says beauty lies on the hand of the beholder.
To Weihao Soh.....
Are you willing to be the beholder of my beauty still?
i hoped somehow you heard and you answered.
i think i heard you saying yes. :)
i know you know i love you baby.
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When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... to more than I can be.
There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes I think I glimpse eternity.
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Things i'd like to tell you if you're here with me....
You think i'm pretty without make-up on
You think i'm funny when i tell the punch line wrong
I know you get me so i let my walls come down
Before you met me I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now ever february
You'll be my valentine
Let's go all the way tonight
No regret ; Just love
We can dance until we die
You & I ; will be young forever
The way you turn me on ;
I can't sleep
Let's runaway & don't ever look back
My heart stops when you look at me
Just one touch ; now baby I believe
This is real so take a chance
& don't ever look back
I finally found you
My miss missing puzzle piece, I'm complete
I'm a got your heart racing
in my skin-tight jeans tonight
Let you put your hands on me
in my skin-tight jeans tonight
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okay , i'm going over to another blog and blog already. bye people. :D

Greatness as you ,
Smallest as me.
You show me what is deep as sea.
A little love , little kiss ,
A little hug , little gift
All of little something , these are memories.
You make me cry , make me smile ,
make me feel that love is true.
You always stand by my side ,
I don't want to say goodbye.
Thank you for all the love
you always give to me.
I love you. :)
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There's nothing i can say to you
Nothing i can ever do to make you see
What you mean to me.
All the pain , the tears i cried
Still you never say goodbye
& now i know how far you'd go
I know i let you down
but it's not like that now
I will be , all that you want.
And get myself together
cause you keep me from falling apart.
And all my life , i hope to be with you forever
Just to get you through the day
& make everything okay.
I thought that i had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now i see , honesty
You're the one thing i got right
The only one i let inside
Now i can't breathe
Cause you ain't here with me
And if i let you down
i'll turn it all around
cause i would never want to let you go
All my life , i just wanna be with you forever
You're all I got , You're all i want
And without you , i don't know what i'd do
I can never ever live a day without you
Here with me , do you see
You're all i need
I will be , all that you want.
And get myself together
cause you keep me from falling apart.
And all my life , i hope to be with you forever
Just to get you through the day
& make everything okay.

Beibei came over to my place yesterday afternoon
to visit me with all-time-favourite chicken rice ,
blueberry tea (big bottle) some more & merci chocolate !
we eat and chatted awhile before she went to work. :D
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then at night , Yifeng and Kerin came over my place
and visit also. more things ! hahaha.
crossword puzzles , shows like grown ups and toy story 3
&& my all-time-fav marlboro menthol. :D
they sit and slack for quite some time.
chatted alot. :)
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&& today , Grace and Kenneth came ! :D
bought me my all-time-fav MacSpicy !!!!
muahahahahahahahahaha.
then we sat awhile and talk also. :)
and then they went for their movie. :))))
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thank you people ! love love love ttm ! :)
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hmmm , listening to the songs with earpiece and
i'm going over to blog for my beloved blog now. :))))
good de bye people ! :D

went down to my house downstair to meet xiaosheng , qinwei , kelly and sheryl just now. actually is want to play with candles want. but then boh candles. -.- so we just sat downstair and talk cock talk cock. lols ! sorry to xiaosheng and qinwei if we happens to bore you all. D:
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actually why ah why. why am i left here in this world?
i everyday like eat , sleep , use computer , watch tv only.
waste the utility bill lehhhhh ~ :( if only i'm taken away that
time too then i don't have to waste my mummy's money now.
sigh ~
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anyway , i think i'd like to post about how i'd like my funeral
to be if next time i happen to leave the world like out of a
sudden. :x
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i also don't know why i will think this way. but i just feel that
life is soooo fragile. and i really don't know what might even
happen next. so friends , if you happen to read and see this post ,
please tell my family about it. :x
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-i want myself to be in bridal gown when i pass away.
cause i remember weihao was in a suit that time. i wanted
to continue to carry on our wedding.

-please choose a nice photo for me that i will look cheerful
enough and pretty of course. so that everytime you all come
and visit and pray , will remember my pretty & cheerful look. :D

-i don't want you all to feel sad for me cause i won't like it.
can cry cause i understand but not infront of my wake please.

-move on with your life but please do not forget me.

-don't blame anybody else (if i happen to die due to accident)
cause it's an accident.

-please buy my favourite food always when you all come and
visit and pray me. all time fav ayam , pokka blueberry tea ,
chocolate beancurd and marlboro menthol please ~ lols !

hmmm , i also don't know anything else leh. but it should
be about that lah. :x will add on more if i think of it and
if it's still not too late.
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i know you all will say i'm being very pessimisstic here.
but come on lah , it's really very difficult to say if someone
really has to go or time is up.
i just feel the need to say before everything is too late.
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but don't worry cause they always say when a people
who always keep thinking about dying , won't die so
soon. so maybe i think i might still live up to 80.
the above was JUST IN CASE. lols !
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actually , i don't wish to grow so old also. i don't want
to wait until the 21900 days without him. :(
why 21900 days? cause it's 60 years to be exact.
try calculating it if you don't believe me . :x
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actually i also find it very stupid to count by days
cause every leap years you will need to add additional
one more day. it's also not very accurate also lah. :x
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i seriously hate the feeling when relatives start saying.
why you never try to start walking?! don't be lazy.
what the..... as if i got lazy until i don't want to walk. -.-
who will like to go to the toilet with the computer chair
or even go out with wheelchair. -.-
& i feel that even if i try to walk now also won't okay.
so might as well wait for the physiotherapist to tell
me what to do. correct?!
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but now i also got try walking. don't say i lazy anymore
k ! :x okay , i've updated me and weihao's blog already.
go see see. very funny ! hahaha.
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i'm going over there to read liao loh. bye people ~ :D

a picture that sums it all. :)

i typed my name and weihao's name on google yesterday cause i wanted to see if our blog could be search by google. and then i found this place.
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http://www.asiaone.com/Motoring/News/Story/A1Story20100618-222797.html
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it's a place about news and it happened to be what had happen to us. it's a very touching article but those comments that people leaves can be sooooo nasty and disgusting. it's very infuriating to have the thought that people don't know anything yet they can comment like they know everything ! wth ~
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i is sibei de angry when i thought of that. relax , chill chill. nor worth spoiling my mood because of that. well , think i'm going to sleep after reading my beloved blog for one more last time. :) good de night people ! :D

so much so for being pessimisstic. now , i'm gonna be brave and face the fact that he's not here anymore. created a blog specially for me and him. :) interested parties please visit http://25thfebruary2009.blogspot.com/ heehee ~ hope you all will liked it just like i love it ! enjoy reading and do leave a comment after doing so ! :D

actually , i was thinking quite abit before i slept last night.
if i can choose a way to die , i'd rather......

1) die during an operation. why? cause i don't think i will
feel anything during an operation even if i were to die
cause i will be under general anaesthesia mah ~

2)die during an accident. must be hit my head and
die on the spot want. why? cause i also hit my head
during the accident and i lost conscious after that and
i don't feel anything when i woke up.




but then to think again. what will ever happen if i really
die one day? will people be grieving over me like how i
grieve over him? how long will that be? i don't want them
to grieve over me when i'm dead cause i don't want them to
be unhappy but... i also don't want them to forget me.
i know , contradicting. -.-



i know they won't forget me lah of course but i don't
want to miss a thing in their life. :( why must people die?





and if i happen to die , will my friends be free to attend
to my wake? all busy working de busy working. busy schooling
de busy schooling. busy with both de busy with both.
will they stay there for the nightsssss?


will they be there for my 49th day?



okay okay , stop saying all this rubbish liao. D:
i seriously hate to bid goodbyes especially to those
that i know i will never be able to meet again.
i wanna have babiessss. let's all say HI to the newborn
babiessss ! :)





i'm going to m'sia to take my statement soon.
i'm so gonna conquer "nan bei da dao",
that scary expressway that took away my love,
so many other people's love.
i'm going to fight the battle alone.
i will not lose to you; TEARS !!!!!
i will win the battle ! yes , i will.








i is sibei scared to go for my physiotherapy.
not scared what. is scared the pain !!!! wth ~
if only you're here with me. :(
it's fascinating how people can make an impact in your life.

i is pluck up alot of courage then decided

to post photos of my feet. people must be curious

how is it right. so there it is...

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it's better to show people how is it with pictures

than people asking and asking and asking.

haha.

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i know , though it may affect my love life.

but... if the guy leaves me because of my

feet then the guy is definitely not worth

my love correct.

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anyway , i also don't have the mood to

talk about love for the time being lah. -.-

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ker ker wear panty cause she lai

ang ! hahahahahah. cute !

that's about pictures ~ :))))

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i was thinking whether i should create

a blog for me and weihao just like

grace created for bernard and herself.

so that if next time i wanted to bring back

some of our memory , i can still go back to

the blog and read instead

of searching for my archives.

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alright , that's about all.

can say my feet is disgusting whatever

i don't care.

just hope i still can wear heels

the next time. hahahahahahaha.

stupid ~

alright lah , byebye.

blogging at the wee hour now. haha.
everybody is asleep and i'm outside the living
room crying my heart out. :(
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i asked grace (remember the link i post few days back?)
a few questions and she e-mailed
me. i cried when reading her e-mail.
sad , but was encouraging. well , she went through
the same thing with me mah ~
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sigh ~ i wonder why human being is so weird.
why do we always like to go and read people's
post when their loved one is gone.
no offence , but i was once like you all.
heard who who who pass away very young ,
i will go and search high and low for that person's
blog , his/her friend's blog and to read how they
are doing.
why is it so?
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why so many people liked our photos in fb
after things happened? why before that nobody
ever liked at all? sigh ~
hard to explain cause it's human nature.
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went to ttsh to see dr again. i've been eating apple
recently already but don't know why i still never
keep the doctors away. okay , nonsense ~ i know.
different story mah. -.-
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i don't know why i cannot keep my eyes off white cars
especially honda civic.
i will screen out for white car , look out for honda civic
and next is the car plate number.
maybe a part of me is still unwilling to accept that
you're gone. pinning a hope that your car will appear
infront of me and the one stepping out of the
car will be you. omg , what am i thinking?
wake up wake up !!!!!
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i suddenly mood swing , pms.
everybody must be sick of me posting about
how sad i am , how much i miss him in fb but hello !
you all can don't like or comment if you all are
sick of it , sick of consoling me. i don't need
it also. cause.... i feel worst. :(
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how am i supposed to bring myself to love someone
else when i know that he is there still loving me? :(
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don't worry people , i'll be strong.
yes , i will be strong.

yes , i hand itchy. go and find my W980
and go and read all the past msgs that were
sent to me by him.
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i cannot imagine i was so demanding and
unreasonable in the past. he was so caring
and yet i never pay attention to that until
now. i'm such a failure. i fail to be his good
girlfriend.
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i can say he's irritating and annoying just
because i wanna work and can't talk to him
or even i'm revising and i don't answer his call.
even so , he still wishes me all the best for my
exams. he still coax me no matter how nasty
things i've said to him.
saying he's not willing to put down this relationship
cause he still love and he still care.
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he said he can don't go out if i don't feel like going out.
wanna cook dinner for me just because i don't feel like
eating. and yet all i did was reject , reject and reject.
i really don't know what the hell i was thinking.
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when i was sick , he always ask how am i.
ask me to eat more bland things when i'm
okay already. ask me to cover blanket well
just because i just recover from my fever.
but when he's sick , i never even bother to
ask him how is he. just ask him to eat panadol.
and that's it. :(
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he even bought top up card for me knowing
that i not only used it to msg him only but also
to msg other customer but he still did it because
he wanna find me.
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got so anxious for me because i said i vomit blood
while working and always worried for me. :(
worried that i'll love him no more. worried why i
sent him 1 or 2 words msgs.
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even though valentine day and chinese new year he's not
with me , he still sent me msgs. and i never even sent until
he grumbles.
what kind of girlfriend can i be?
i should be the one gone and not him. :(
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now i cannot even get his well wishes for my
birthday , chinese new year , valentine day ,
my exams , christmas , many many more.
don't worry , i will keep those msg well.
though i couldn't help my tears from falling
but i'm really happy that i could still read your
msgs. i really miss you alot darling boyfriend. T.T

i'm sorry if i've made people teared by reading
my blog. but that's not my purpose. :(
just pouring out how i'm feeling. sigh ~
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went fb see see look look since there's nothing
much to do. then saw alot of people is so into
kite-flying nowadays. that made me think
back of the days where we would go kite-flying. :(
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though we didn't go alot of time , but still....
i still remember once i say i wanna fly kite and
this silly boy actually went to changi and search
for one. he even bought dessert for me which
he likes so much and thought that i'd like it
too. it's not bad but i don't really like it. :x
but somehow , i hope to have a taste of it once
again. :(
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and then , one day , he brought me to marina
bay. he say alot of people fly kite there.
but then..... he brought me to this wulu wulu
place where construction is taking place. D:
i really had a good laugh and it was raining that
day. don't have any wind. but still , he persist
on flying that kite. that's really sweet of him.
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we tried a few times and then end up failing and
we gave up but we had a good laugh cause everyone
standing near the bus stop is like looking at us with
those eyes. -.-
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after that , we stopped flying kite and the kite is left
there for like 98734862347629 days until we found out
that tianhao and the rest is flying also ! hhahahahahahaha.
so we went to fly kite one day together with them. it
was so much fun then !
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we still bought another kite which is in doraemon
design. haha. then jio tianhao they all go fly kite again.
still remember once there was no wind and then this
silly boy and his friends took turn to take the kite and
run round the big big field. omg ! it must have tired
him out. :( and i still can remember what he said.
he's so tired and so he keep asking the other to run one
more round and there he is sitting around only.
lols !
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i really miss those happy days with him. :(
who can bring me back my laughter again?
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sigh ~ okay. enough enough , i'm supposed to be recovering. :(
alright , tomorrow going ttsh again to see doctor to remove stitch
then after that going TCM for accupuncture for my right leg most
probably. alright , that's all for now. goodbye !

firstly , i would like to apologise sometimes for
not replying msgs , not answering calls.
sometimes , really wish to turn off my phone
and keep myself away from everything , everybody. :(
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secondly , i would like to thank........
-my girlfriends, who would make trips to my place
to visit me , to make sure i'm fine.

-sosa , for visiting me frequently also.

-my family , for supporting me all this while.

-all the staffs of TTSH ward 12c who took care of me
especially caroline who played a role like a mother of mine. :)

-those sisters from TTSH who came and gave
condelences.

-NR0915 for always being there.

-lecturers of NYP who are concern about me.

-my sec school friends and people who payed a visit when
i was hospitalised

-colleagues and bosses of liquid 40.

-boyf love's bishan friends for their support

got many many people to thank. don't know whether
i got miss out any or not.
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there was once i went to ttsh for counselling and to see psy.
for counselling , she said for a normal grieve period of time
is 6 months to 2 years. i wonder how long will mine take.
though i don't cry as much as the past , but i still miss you as much.
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as for psy , he said the things i've done is very normal
for someone who've lost heir loved ones. and he said
something very special. he said normally people who've
had acccident before will keep a distance from their
family and friends for no reason. no particular reason
why we did that but just we do so.
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i was thinking... is that so? and i find it so real.
i don't know why is my behaviour like that and
i cannot really explain. maybe when things happen
to you , you will understand already.
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i suddenly thought of the promises my boyfriend
and i made at ECP. yes , i will definitely live together
with this promises we've made and i will always remember
and do the thing that i had promise him.
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i think , i'm willing to let go now.
就让我再没有你的地方坚强。
that's all for now. byebye. :)

i wonder why heaven is so harsh.
why took our love away when things
seem so perfectly fine?
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i seriously hope heaven will stop playing
such prank on us anymore.
i suddenly don't know what to blog anymore.
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what if one day i stop using our photo as primary
photo in facebook? does that mean i've forgotten
you? or does that mean that i'm willing to let go?
i don't know? when will that be? i'm really afraid
for that day to come. :(
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sigh ~ wondering what will we be doing at this
time , at this moment if nothing like this happen.
well , think i should just stop that.
life still goes on. time is still waiting for no man.
but i'm still glad cause this means i'm drawing nearer
and nearer to him each day. :)
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dear , sleep tight and i'll join you the other time
which i can't tell you when cause i don't know myself
either. hope that by the time , nothing much changes. :)
ily.

got to know this girl's blog through my sister.
http://berngrace.blogspot.com/
i was very touched and i feel that things that
she's gone through are exactly the things that
i'm going through right now.
it took her four years to really move on.
will i do the same thing too?
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if i really move on , will i stop talking about weihao?
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we became not fearing of death cause we know
we could see our loved ones if we die.
she still wears the ring that her boyf gave
like how i'm wearing it too
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she hated it when people asked how is she
doing and how're you just like how i do.
she'd teared when she smell familair scent of perfume ,
see similar faces , heard similar names , or been to
familiar places.
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is that all the things we do when we lost our loved ones?
is it all like that?
i like one of her saying.
we all hate the word moving on.
so instead of moving on , why not we say moving with?
do not think that i'm leaving him with my past.
but think that i'm drawing nearer and nearer to him
as i grow old.
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yes , one of her post was also about growing old.
i've had this thought too. what happens if one day
i grow old without him?
i only have memories of him being that 22 years old
handsome guy. but i don't ever know how
he looked like when he's old.
thinking of that , i really hate to grow old.
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will things ever be the same when we die?
if i ever happen to die , will i meet him still?
will he wait for me or has already reincarnate?
or will he be holding other people's hand by the
time i die?
what if i've found another true love later on?
what will i do if i die and sees the both of them?
so much thoughts pondering.
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i really miss those days in the street with you,
miss those days staying at home with you.
miss those days taking the long trip by train to your
house after my long day of school,
miss those days when we sleep the whole night
and realise we just spent our weekend sleeping.
miss those holiday trip you'd be so eager to bring
me.
there's many many more things that i miss.
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it's only the 78th days i'm without you and here i'm ranting so much about it. people has gone through 700+++ days. she's so much stronger than me. i really really miss you soh weihao. tell me a way where i can not cry. teach me a way where i can not miss.

葉子　是不會飛翔的翅膀
翅膀　是落在天上的葉子
天堂　原來應該不是妄想
只是我早已經遺忘　
當初怎麼開始飛翔
孤單　是一個人的狂歡　
狂歡　是一群人的孤單　
愛情　原來的開始是陪伴　
但我也漸漸地遺忘　
當時是怎樣有人陪伴
我一個人吃飯　旅行　到處走走停停　
也一個人看書　寫信　自己對話談心　
只是心又飄到了哪裡　
就連自己看也看不清　
我想我不僅僅是失去你
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this song super describe how i'm feeling.
sigh ~
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anyway , here to update abit about myself.
going for a minor operation tomorrow.
cause my third toe which is now my second toe
cause my first toe has been amputated,
the bone can be seen so need to do a little filling.
haha. -.-
abit confusing , but get it right yourself? :x
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it will be a day surgery and can go home in the
evening if nothing's wrong about it.
hope to feel boyf love's presence tomorrow anyway.
alright , till here. adieous ~

sorry people for going missing for this period of time.
went to reflect on myself a little and to cool myself
down a little. can't be always facing the computer with
a pool of tears running down my cheek.
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i thought i could only saw car overturning or flipping
over for a few times. didn't really cross my mind that
it would happen to us. whenever i saw car overturning
in movie or show , i would think back , is that the same
thing happening to us? and then i realised , i killed my boyf.
i actually killed someone i love so much. if only i didn't drive.
if only i never pass my license. if only we didn't make a trip
there. there's so much if only but now , it can only be if only.
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i really hate myself so much. why didn't i make a stand
of not making a trip there. i'd rather quarrell with you
than this kind of thing to happen.
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i always told myself. i'd rather you're inside the jail now
while i'm out here waiting for you. at least i could write
letter to you and you could reply. at least i can still visit you
and talked to you with your family. or rather you leave me
because of other girls. at least i could still call you and scold you
and hear your voice. at least i could msg you and scold you waiting
for your reply.
if either of these happen , i could at least srill hope for your return ,
your hug , your warmth , your everything.
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i keep having weird dreams of you having another girl.
although i really hope is like that but the truth is not
so please stop giving me these weird dream to make me
feel worst can? i really hope to have sweet dreams with you
again. sad to be true , i can't be with you but can i at least
have some sweet dreams with you?
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people said it's good to reminisce the past , it's good to keep
someone special at a little place in your heart. but, why don't
i feel good at all?
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letting go and moving on seems to be the hardest thing for
me to do now. i don't know how long more i need still but
it seems like i'm the one not willing to let go.
i don't want to forget you. i'm not willing to let someone else
to replace you. i want to always wait for your msg , wait for
your call not somebody else. i want you to be waiting at home
for my return , not somebody else.
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i miss those days when we were out at bishan. although i always
complain it's always bishan bishan and still bishan , but everything's
fine with me as long as i'm with you. you understand?
i miss those days when you fetch me to school , wait for me to finish
school , fetch me to work , wait for me finish work , fetch me to
attachment and wait for me to finish attachment. i still want you to
fetch and wait for me. why didn't you do so?
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i don't know how long i'll rant complaining how sad i am
without you by my side. :( i'm afraid that one day i will no
longer mention your name on my blog and it'll be somebody
else. i'm afraid this day will come.
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25th august supposed to be our one year , 8 months anniversary.
it's been two months without you by my side. i really feel very empty.
i know it's only two months and as time goes by , i will feel better.
is that so? :(
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i really hope i could have you by my side going through
everything with me now. especially when my leg is injured
now. i want you concern. i want you to scream and shout at
me whenever i complain pain. i want you to be there to look
after me.
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tell me , what can i do to make you come back? i will do anything
for you to come back even if it meant this meaningless life of mine.
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i just hope to faster get back and stand on my feet again.
i wanna go and pay a visit to you soon.
loving you always soh weihao. :(

if only i can live like a dog.
if only i don't see you for two weeks
i will forget who you are.
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will i be living in lesser pain if that's
the case? i don't want to wake up
crying everyday, it makes a chore to wake up everyday.
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where will we go to when we are dead?
will we be always sleeping? or will we turn to spirit
like what others said?
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you always told me you saw ghost you saw ghost
but why can't i see you?
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i really feel like seeing you.
it's not getting any better each day.
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they say to put you in my heart and live
like how i used to everyday. you must be missing
how i used to be in the past , is it true?
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i dread going to hospital for check ups.
i dread waking up realising you're not here for me anymore.
i dread styaing at home everyday only to miss you and cry
and cry and cry.
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are you at a better place now?
can i not miss you?
can i not cry anymore?
can i... not wake up anymore?
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how nice would that be if only i can just sleep
and not wake up anymore.
how nice would that be if i could wake up
with you by my side someday.
how nice would that be if i passed away together
with you on the accident and we can forever be together.
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is there a way to make people die more easily?
rather than jumping off a building , i don't have the courage ,
rather than swallowing and overdosing , i don't like swallowing pills.
rather than hitting by a car , not all cars will hit and you'll die immediately.
rather than hoping to get a incurable disease ,
i might only got it years later and by the time ,
you might have already moved on.
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are you moving on? can you?
i really hope to know how you're doing.
how're you doing?
i don't want to talk to a dead computer.
i don't want to write to a stupid book when
you don't even see it.
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i've read and seen the news.
many people died when they don't want to.
trees falling , car accidents.
including you , you don't want to die too right?
you still got so many things to do , with me.
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now , why doesn't heaven take away those who wants
to die? those who miss their loved ones like how i do ,
those who are drug addicts , those who are totally useless ,
those who don't feel like living.
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can the end of the world come sooner?
i wanna see you.
can i just smoke smoke smoke and smoke and kena
cancer? or can lightning just struck me when i'm
sleeping at home?
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i don't know what to say anymore.
it's the same thing over and over again.
missing you , missing you and still missing you.
crying , crying and still crying. :(
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i know you hate to see me cry.
but is there a choice for me?
i don't like to cry too.
if there's a choice for me , i'd rather
you're at work now and i'm missing you.
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at least i still can see you few days time.
at least i still can receive your text and
hear your voice now. i really feel so empty
now. really empty. they said it's normal to
feel empty at times but why am i feeling it
like always?

taking a look at our wedding photos ,
i know you're the one. you're my right one.
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i just wanted more time to finish my studies
and get everything done to get married to you.
i only wanted four years more. 4 years , is that
too much? :(
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you said yes upon waiting for me but did you?
why didn't you wait?
yes , you told me before you wanna get married
before 21 , you should have told me if i'm wasting your
time. you can go and look for someone else.
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maybe if you look for someone else , you would happily be
married now and nothing like that would happen? :(
i feel terrible without you.
i envy others so much that they can get married and stay
together like forever. :(
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now , you're gone just like that.
like..... like that. :(
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i really can take it if people grows old and die.
but how about you?
why must it be you?
why must it be me?
you're still so young and we've so many things
yet to do. how could you.........
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people says i will overcome it.
it just takes time. yes , of course it does take
time. but how long?
a year? a month? two years? 5 years?
i don't know.
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dear , i'd rather you go and find another girl
instead of this thing happen.
at least i can still be angry with you , i still
can sms and scold you , i still can see you at bishan.
i still can hope for one day for your return.
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but now , i can do nothing.
tell me , what can i do for you to be back?
if i'm dead can make you return , i'll definitely
do that. it's useless living without you.
i love you darling.
i'm missing you more and more each day.

dear !!!! you're so unfair !!!!!
even kelly has got more sweeter dream of
us than all the dream you gave me !
pfft ! *pouts*
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kelly dreamt that me and her went to club
then you followed us and peep at us.
then there was this door behind and don't know
why we turned and we say your head peeping out.
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we attempt to run but you shouted and ask her to
go over. you said you wouldn't restrict me anymore
and wants her to take care of me. silly you , why can't
i take care of myself? want also you take care of me what.
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after saying that , you came over to my side and talk to me
and we hugged. she doesn't know what you told me but
it must be something sweet cause i hugged you if not
we quarrell , i will definitely not hug you de loh. :p
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after that , she got waken up from her morning calls.
even kelly also dream of something sweet , why is it
only me who never has it? :( you're so unfair ! :(
i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you !!!!!
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sigh ~ but still , thanks for making the effort to go to my
friend's dream and asking them to take care of me.
i will take care of myself until something untoward happens
to me. so , i'll see you till then k? love you darling.

ytd was our 1 year and 5 months anniversary.
haven't got a chance to wish him happy anni.
so here darling , happy 1 year 5 mth anni. :)
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i miss going out to watch movie with you ,
i miss cooking with you , i miss going to bishan
with you , i miss flying kite with you , i miss
i miss taking cab together with you ,
i miss going out and eat together with you ,
i miss shopping at shop and save together with you ,
i miss staying at home and eat ben &
jerry ice cream together with you ,
i miss staying at home and watch dvd with you ,
i miss staying at home eating bao bei together with you ,
i miss the way you always speak nonsense and everybody laughed ,
i miss the way you hold my hand ,
i miss the way you hugged me when we were going to sleep ,
i miss taking photos with you ,
i miss they way your soft lips touches mine ,
i miss the way you used to embrace me ,
i miss everything everything that i do with you
as long as it's you.
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will you come back and do everything again with me for once
before you really leave?
i really miss you.
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i miss you sending flowers to me.
will you do it again but this time to propose to me?
i will definitely say yes.
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i really miss you but i hate you also.
why leave me alone here. why?
there's so many things i wanna ask you
but i know there's no answer i'm going to get.
are you really here with me always?
dear , i really cannot take it anymore.
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every night i try to fall asleep just hoping to have
your dream but it was to no avail. do you know
how sad i was?
i miss your face , your voice , your everything.
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what should i do if i ever forget anything of yours?
how long will all this last?
will i ever move on?
dear , i love you.

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cos u took my breath away
Losin you is like living in a world with no air
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make u understand
But how do you expect me
To live alone with just me
'Cos my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be w/o me
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

他的镜框留在
某一节车厢
地下铁里的风
比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊
对他唯一(如果还有)遗憾
是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪
都停不下来
若那一刻重来
我不哭
让他知道我可以很好
我爱他
轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦
狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他
相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来
我爱他
跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心
深深伤过却不会忘
我和他
不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂
最重的荒唐
如果还有遗憾
又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了
就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪
我爱他
轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦
狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开
爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖 越多的空白
该怎么去爱
我爱他
轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦
狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他
相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来
我爱他
跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心
深深伤过却不会忘
我和他
不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐
如果还有遗憾
又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来
我不哭 让他知道我可以很好

i went to see boyf love last thurs.
it was good but sad at the same time.
i didn't really talked to him but i did
deep down in my heart.
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.
i did tear for a few times but did not
really cried. didn't want to embarrass myself
infront of th , yongan and yifeng.
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saw boyf love's family there in the later part.
heard his mummy's teary voice , i nearly cried
but i was fighting back my tears.
later we went to have dinner with his family ,
i thought alot too.
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how nice would that be if boyf love were here too
to have dinner together with us. i really miss him.
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anyway , thanks th for bringing me there to see him.
i feel so much better after seeing him.
i know his mummy's words may sound hurtful
but i never blame her for that for i can totally
understand how she feels. she don't feel any better
than me. it's his mummy afterall.
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someone who carrys him for 9 months and support
him for 22years. nevertheless , my love for him
cannot be compared with his mother. i didn't really
spoke to his mummy as i'm not someone good with
words. i'm afraid we might end up all crying.
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i'm very timid. i dare not spoke up for the fact that
i wanna stay over every 25th night. i know she will reject.
.
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.
.
i know everybody do miss him. but i really miss him
alot. i hate the face that i won't be receiving anymore
texts from him , hate the fact that i couldn't hear his voice
anymore. hate the fact that he won't be hugging me to
sleep anymore no matter how long i wait. hate the fact
that he won't be back anymore. hate the fact that he
won't be scolding me anymore.
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.
.
it's time to wake up now and not lying to myself that
he's out there at work. but sometimes it's just harder
to accept the fact.
.
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.
.
.
i can't wait. i really can't wait for some bad news
that would happen to me. i really don't know how
to cope anymore. i'm like going crazy anytime.
i cannot just end my life like that but i really miss
him. why does heaven have to take him away from me?!
why? :(
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i'm sorry i teared once again dear. but you surely
do know how we're feeling right? we really miss
you. i know you don't want us to worry for you just
like i wouldn't want my family and friends to worry
for me but what to do?
.
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.
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i really hate the fact that you're gone by my side
forever just like that.

i had a dream of you last night.
the dream was about you lying to me that
you were dead but you were not because
at the malaysia hospital you met a better
nurse.
.
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.
.
i saw you one day and you called me dear.
i was with sally. i don't know where.
then you asked me whether i wanna work.
it's easy job and i agreed.
so i went with you , th and another guy , i forgot who.
but then suddenly in the dream th disappeared.
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.
.
inside the car , your phone rang. so i was very curious
and i asked who was that. i snatched your phone and see.
i'm very glad your still saved my msgs and you still saved
my name as dear.
but i was unhappy when i saw your inbox and i saw you saved
this girl name under "happy".
so i asked who is this "happy"?
.
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.
and you said it was the nurse whom you met at malaysia.
my heart sank. i kept quiet and i pass you back your phone.
i knew exactly what's happening. i knew why you lied to me
that you were dead. it was just plain unlucky that you met me outside.
.
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.
.
so we went to work. and the work is like so funny.
we just have to go there and peel vegetables. -.-
i don't know why? maybe i missed cooking with you?
haha. anyway , i was still pissed off about the msg thing,
so i just gave you attitude the whole while and didn't
really talked to you.
.
.
.
.
.
the next scene , we were at a school. we were all wearing
uniform. can't really remember which school was that.
but it was a white blouse with dark blue pants and skirt.
then you keep bullying this nerd guy which i cannot really
remember his face,
.
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.
.
as you know , i was still quite piss off over the incident and so
i told you to stop bullying him and i'm protecting over this guy.
you were angry and you slapped him twice. so i slap you once.
and you answered me, "not bad , at least i slapped him twice."
i was so angry and i slapped you again.
.
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.
.
.
you were then piss off and you slap me back.
i was hurt....
so i pushed you and screamed at you,
"what makes you think you got the right to slap me?
you lied to me that you were dead.
D-E-A-D! what would ever happen to my family and friends if
i didn't think straight and commit suicide?!
have you ever think of that?!"
.
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.
.
i drop to the floor and cried but you were never there to
help me up. i don't know is you guilty or what.
and then i was awake.
.
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.
.
it was a long dream.
i thank you for coming once again to my dream for letting me
see your face and hear your voice.
but i really hate it that it has gotta be this kind of dream.
i'm already super upset about the accident.
why can't it be something sweeter? :(
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.
.
i woke up crying , calling out for you. i don't know but i somehow
felt you were there. you were there but you can't do anything.
i keep crying and crying.
.
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.
i'm very upset. why does heaven have to take u away from me?
somemore , lost all laptops and phone. i cannot even reminisce
from our laptops photos and the sweet msgs you used to send to me.
.
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at least leave something for me? i can only look at our wedding photo
and the photos that we went to singapore flyer.
though it wasn't very nice but i don't know why you still got it for us.
you still buy two of it. one for you and one for me.
is it because you know you're leaving that's why you wanna leave
something for me? but why didn't you tell me so?
.
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.
dear , i really miss you. i really don't know how to cope with it. :(
tomorrow tianhao is going to bring me to go bukit timah to see you.
it's his off day and he will go down and see you everytime during
his off day and just nice i also discharge already. that's very nice
of him cause it's very troublesome to bring someone sitting on a
wheelchair out.
.
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anyway , are you excited about it?
i'm so excited about it!
but you please be prepared okay ,
like what i said in your fb ,
i'm gonna give you a bulldog face and
gonna scold you for always bringing heartache to me.
you playing revenge is it? :(
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.
cause when you alive , i always bring heartache to you. :(
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dear , i still thank you. thank you for bringing joy in my life.
i'll never forget you. ever. :)
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i will never change couple ina audition.
it will be......
forever adore & abel <3 25th feb 2009.
though we never got a chance to get married in audi
and in real life , but i'm still happy we got a chance to be
couple. :)
always loving you soh weihow. :)

hello everybody. i'm back at home. don't worry too
much. i won't do anything foolish. this is gonna be a
long post without pictures. it will be all about boyf love.
.
.
.
.
the accident happened for about a month. i'm home
only until now. i just saw our wedding photos and i
really missed him much. had a chat with rachel just
now. cried. now then i know how much he loved me.
though i already know but i never expect him to cry
infront of rachel when he talked about our things.
.
.
.
i really hope he could come and find and search for me
like how he always do when we quarrelled. i really miss him.
i really don't know what to do without him. sometimes i hope
i'm the one who passed away instead of him. he will definitely
be much stronger than me.
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i'm sitting on a wheelchair now. i hope tianhao and the rest would
help me on the 30th to bishan. i'm so sorry to trouble them but i really
hope to go down. i know they would definitely help. but i'm afraid i
couldn't control my emotion when i reach bishan. dear , will you be there?
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everybody said you're on the other world. but what does the other
world really look like? are you safe and sound down there? do you
miss me like how i miss you? you better wear my ring even if you
were to find another girl on the other world if not i would be so
angry with you. cannot buy another ring with her k. same with me
too. but don't worry , it won't be too soon for me.
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boyf love , i'm sorry i wasn't able to express my love to you when you're
alive. but what's the point of saying it now. will you be able to read this?
can you go online on the nether world? will you read my blog? though i
know you don't really like to go online. you always find it boring. but i hope
you could come and read my blog somehow. or maybe the diary at my home?
it's at the table where you always sit when you come. will you flip open and read?
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dear , i changed my facebook password. it's something to do about you.
i hope you would know. it isn't the old one which you used to know already.
i think you should know what the password is. you're so clever. come and
ask me if you don't know. :p
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i won't be changing my blog address just in case you can't find me cause
you're such a computer noob. haha. though i am one also but i'm a little
better than you. :x
i won't be cutting my hair anymore too cause you prefer me to have long hair
and always angry with me when i cut my hair.
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dear , why do you always make me make choice for you when you're
around? now i don't know what you like. we're all so lost without you.
i'm so afraid to take statement. i feel so upset whenever i'm being reminded
of the accident. i know you will handle better if you were the one who's alive.
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dear , sometimes i really wish to leave this world and be together with you.
but i can't leave my family and friends. sorry for being so selfish. i'm not strong
enough to be together with you. i don't wish them to be sad. i don't want them
to waste money and time for me to heal my leg then in the end i disappoint them.
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dear , there's so many things i wish to tell you. i regretted for not expressing
my love for you. i regretted for breaking up with you for a periiod of time the
other time. now , we do not even have the chance to watch firework together.
nvm , i will do everything together with your heart everytime.
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i really miss you darling. do come and find me soon alright? you chose 25 for
a reason and i think i know the reason. anyway , i will write letter to you on
every 25th. and i will burn everything to you when i'm able to walk. i will
go and find you at bukit timah when i'm able to walk. i hope to stay over at
your place every 25th. will you help me to talk to your mother about it?
i will asked your mother about it also. but i hope you will help me with it.
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dear , i'm still going ahead being a nurse. i'm sure i will be a better one.
don't you think so? do you agree with me being a nurse? are you helping
me with it cause i think they're taking me with the bond if i'm not wrong.
bbut you always disagree with me being a nurse cause i always kaopei
i'm tired and you always say to yang me. but now , you're not able to yang
me already. :(
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you always asked me to marry you but i always asked you to wait.
cause i'm still studying and i wanted the both of us to change.
i wanted to change my temper and i wanted you to change your beating
and gambling.
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although i didn't really express my love to you , but i guess you
can feel it right cause no matter how you beat me , i'm still back to you.
i still wait for you at your house downstair waiting for you to be back
when we quarrell.
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i'm glad that at least we went to taipei once, night safari once , singapore
flyer once , resort world once.
though some is not your first time and some is not my first time.
but still , some is both of our first time.
i really thank you. thank you for bringing me joy in my life.
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you tried to give me everything. even if i meant the world.
you also tried to give me.
you really try and i can see. sometimes i really feel you
but i just don't wannt express myself because i want my face
in another way also.
i always say i don't wanna marry you infront of your friends
but i really hope to. i just want to disturb you.
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i regret it. i should have said yes. if you're willing to wait for me
the other lifetime , i would say yes immediately. but i'm afraid you
won't. just like you didn't wait for me for 4 years.
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dear , we always sms and talk whenever you're at work. now that i'm
alone at home , i don't receieve your call and sms , i feel so weird. i really
feel so weird.
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i will update again. i know this post is more to boyf love.
but what to do , i really miss him alot alot like nobody can describe.
i dont know if anybody will understand how i feel but i really miss him
like crazy.
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i hate heaven. i hate heaven for bringing him away from me when we're
so deeply in love and our time together are so short. everybody love him
so dearly. why does heaven have to bring him away? :(

boyf love is back to work. therefore i'm free to blog !

haha !

digital cam has got some problem. therefore only

can use webcam to upload photos liao. :(

no make up on paiseh cause i'm home. :x

lols !

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school work is killing me ! :@ oh god.

been missing school that my attendance is

so so soooo bad. think gonna get debarred already. :(

i need to set back on track and get to school !

rahhhhh ~!

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ttsh's bond interview is on the 26th ! god.

so damn excited.

wondering what will they be asking. :x

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& & &

boyf love allowed me to go for the f1 event interview

which i've been shortlisted.

i hope everything goes well since i've already

said everything to boyf love.

& don't worry boyf love , i won't be doing those

revealing shots too cause i don't like it. (:

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pictures ~~~~ :D

hahaha ! everyone miss ker ker?!

cut her hair since the weather is so hot

nowadays. now she looks as though she's

still young. mwahahahahahah ~

cute ~ *screeeammmmm*

i'm getting bored.

trying to uninstall everything in my lappy now

to make it not so lag and then try installing microsoft

office 2007 for the oncoming projectsssss ~ :(

there's so much to do. gosh !

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gonna trim my fringe a little later and then off

to tpy to meet belle to slack awhile. (:

catch up a little.

don't wanna go far , spending too much money.

so tpy is the best.

i cab back nearer so save also. hahahahahaha.

i'm so broke now. :(

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i miss boyf love !

7 more days to see him. (: